Tomatoes, Beer And The Kominsky Method: A Sexy Story

Over the phone I could feel my editor Edgar Reewright’s blood pressure galloping towards very unhealthy levels. I could sense that the veins in his forehead were bulging more than his famously small pecker ever has. And, almost needless to say, I heard him roar loud and clear.

What the hell’s wrong with you, Neil?” Edgar screamed at me. “Why do you keep doing this? Is it so hard to come up with story ideas whose components go together like hats and gloves? It isn’t. In fact, it should be easy!”

“Neil, an essay about tomatoes, beer and The Kominsky Method just won’t cut it. They’ve got nothing in common, and I say that even though I don’t have a clue about who or what Kominsky is. If you want to write this story, then write it. But edit it yourself. Oh, where did I go wrong to end up with you as a client? If you weren’t a reliable source of income I’d drop you faster than my first three wives dumped me!”

“For crying out loud, Edgar, calm down,” I said. “What’s wrong with this story idea? The answer is nothing. I like writing about things that give me a buzz, and this story will be about the ones that have excited me the most lately. Not only that, somewhere in the piece I’ll ask the readers to let me know what’s been ringing their bells. They’re a discerning lot and will help to expand my horizons.”

“Horizons, huh?” Edgar snickered. “You’re old, Neil, remember? Your horizons are too stiff and achy to expand more than an inch.”

“Maybe so, Edgar,” I said, “but that inch is more than your famously small pecker is capable of expanding.” Edgar didn’t respond to that cutting remark.

“Hear me out, Edgar,” I continued a few moments later. “Let’s start with tomatoes. Have you ever tasted little yellow ones? I never paid any attention to them until a few months ago, when they caught my eye at the supermarket. Now I’m hooked on them. “Comets” is the brand name of the ones I buy, and they’re damn fine. Sweet as sugar, with just the right amount of tang. They make any salad better.”

Edgar didn’t say a word.

“And how about the beers that Magic Hat Brewing Company, in Vermont, turns out?” I continued. “Magic is right. The brewers there are magicians, Edgar. Magicians! I have two Magic Hat variety packs at home. And every one of the brews in those boxes is absolutely delicious. I’ve been drinking their beers for years, but didn’t know about the vastness of the Magic Hat repertoire until the variety packs entered my life not long ago. That brewery rules!”

Once again, Edgar remained silent. What was wrong?

“Edgar, this conversation isn’t going well, so I think we should say our goodbyes soon. Then I’ll start writing the story. But I can’t leave without recommending The Kominsky Method to you. It’s a television series, a comedy/drama done charmingly and with a sharp wit. Netflix carries it. Edgar, I don’t turn on the TV too often, so I’m glad I decided to give Kominsky a try. Do you like Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin? I do. They’re the leads in the show and are fabulous. So is everyone else in the cast. Watching Douglas and Arkin try to deal with the slings and arrows that life throws at them in their old age is a blast, and touching too.”

I paused. Then I said, “Edgar, you haven’t talked in three minutes. I don’t hear you breathing. Speak to me, Edgar. Speak to me! Are you there?”

“Yes, I’m here,” Edgar, sounding sad, said ten seconds later. “I heard you talking all along, but nothing registered. I was deep in thought. Neil, how do you know about the size of my manhood? I thought that nobody knows except for my wife Loretta and my three exes.”

“Edgar, you’re kidding me, right? Everybody has heard about your short sword. Your third ex-wife went into all the details in a post on her Facebook page last week. She mocked you real good. In no time the article took off. You’re famous, Edgar. Maybe you don’t want to be, but you are.”

What? I’m going to sue her. I’ll have my day in court. I’ll tell the world that size isn’t everything. It’s quality that counts, Neil, not length! Quality is my middle name, in bed and, as you know, as an editor. I’ve got to go now. Good luck with your story. You’re on your own with it. Hopefully your next idea will be better than this one.”

Just before Edgar pressed the red button on his cell phone to end our call, I heard him yelling to his wife: “Loretta, I’ve been defamed! I need top-tier representation. What’s that lawyer’s name? You know who I mean. He used to star in porno films before he went to law school and became an attorney. Wait, I’ve got it. Big Dick Johnson! Please get him on the phone for me!”

(What’s been ringing your bells lately? Comments about that, and about Edgar or anything else, are welcomed. Ditto for sharing this story.)

113 thoughts on “Tomatoes, Beer And The Kominsky Method: A Sexy Story

  1. cindy knoke April 6, 2020 / 12:42 am

    I love all of this:
    Those little tommie comets, (real comets are amazingly small btb, they are the biggest bit of anything that can fit in your suitcase), beer most males in my family like, and the kominsky method, i kinda avoided watching it and still will.
    So, yeah, I loved all of this, which means your writing, your thinking and your humor.
    Keep on keeping on.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Lynette d'Arty-Cross April 7, 2020 / 3:01 am

        We have been enjoying Peaky Blinders (a bit like Boardwalk Empire). Another good series is The Fall, with Gillian Anderson, and if you like witty, quirky and off-beat, try Bojack Horseman. All on Netflix. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Basia Korzeniowska April 6, 2020 / 2:22 am

    Tomatoes. Any tomatoes. In any shape or form. I love tomatoes. Always have done. Apparently as a baby I wouldn’t eat anything until it had a piece of tomatoe on the spoon as well. Your little comets look dinky. I don’t think they’re available here. But I shall look out for them when we are finally released
    Beer. Can’t stand it. I drank one with pleasure about eight years ago in South Korea. I’d just come off an eleven hour flight and was whisked off to a two hour car journey to somewhere where there was a rock concert. We pitched out tent and went off to find the music. By the time we had walked to the music area I was dying of exhaustion and thirst. Some wonderful Koreans heard my moaning and gave me a beer they had just spent an hour queuing for. I was so so grateful. And in that humid heat and with my tiredness it tasted delicious and gave me just about enough energy to get back to the tent. I was the oldest person at this three day festival and boy did I feel it!
    Kominsky method. Sounds good. Don’t have Netflix but I might get it one day!! Thanks for the post. And why are you so cruel to your poor editor. Though I suppose he has only himself to blame!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. sniderjerry April 6, 2020 / 2:39 am

    Ringing my bells…lately I’ve been feeling sorry for all the pick pockets whose arms are not six feet long.Take care, stay safe.Jerry

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Paddy Tobin April 6, 2020 / 5:00 am

    Eat tomatoes, drink beer and watch tv – now, there’s an odd combination! Who would have thought of it!

    We are presently dependent on our supermarket delivering our groceries and the tomatoes and beer are not listed. I’ll have to turn to the tv to be with you in a cross-Atlantic spirit!

    Keep well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 6, 2020 / 1:07 pm

      Hi Paddy. We’re lucky that there’s so much to watch on TV these days. Far more than there was when we were young.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Paddy Tobin April 6, 2020 / 2:03 pm

        As we ate dinner we were talking how people in town would sit at the window and watch – and comment – on everybody who passed by. It was the time before television became so ever-present and programmes began at 5p.m. in winter and 6p.m. in summer! Watching people go by was entertainment in itself.

        Liked by 3 people

  5. Dot April 6, 2020 / 7:37 am

    I love watching The Kominsky Method, Neil. And let me just say, the quality of your blog entries are really top-notch … 🐨🐞🐌

    Liked by 1 person

      • Dot April 6, 2020 / 1:48 pm

        Recently I’ve been watching a dark TV thriller called “YOU”, at first I thought it might not be my cup of tea, but turns out it’s pretty good 🦔 For comedy, have you watched “Schitt’s Creek”? I love it 🐧

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Isabelle April 6, 2020 / 9:41 am

    This post gave me a good laugh, Neil. Tomatoes, beer and Komisky Method are perfectly compatible. A real mood-lifter. I’ve seen those yellow tomatoes in our shops too but never gave them a try. Will pick up some next time I’m in a grocery shop. Catch up soon, Isabelle

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Cindy Bruchman April 6, 2020 / 9:58 am

    I love all three –beer, comets, and the Komisky Method. Well done bringing random things together. It’s a fun trick. Your set up here reminds me of Seinfeld, and that’s a good thing. Talking about nothing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ckennedyhola April 6, 2020 / 10:20 am

    Neil, I enjoyed this post a lot! I always enjoy a good beer and homemade pizza–I’ll try yellow tomatoes for the sauce next time. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ally Bean April 6, 2020 / 10:28 am

    I’ve not tried the yellow tomatoes nor have I seen The Kominsky Method. As I’m not shopping in grocery stores the yellow tomatoes will be a future adventure, but I can watch the TV show whilst living healthy at home.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 6, 2020 / 1:13 pm

      I got back from the supermarket two hours ago. Did a big shopping. It’s surreal that people, including me, are wearing gloves and masks.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. joyce hamilton April 6, 2020 / 10:29 am

    Don’t have Netflix and never tried the tomatoes but l like the beer. Keep safe!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Helen Devries April 6, 2020 / 10:32 am

    Thanks for such a cheery post…when we are eventually allowed to leave home i’ll be looking for yellow tomatoes.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Jacqui Murray April 6, 2020 / 10:44 am

    Tell your editor he’s wrong! I might have browsed right past your article if not for the odd juxtaposition of tomatoes and beer and curiosity about the Kominsky Method.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Laurie Graves April 6, 2020 / 10:47 am

    That editor needs to stop whining. Now. What could be better than beer, tomatoes, and Netflix?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Robert Parker April 6, 2020 / 10:57 am

    Sorry to learn about Edgar’s issues with the truncated or thumbnail edition.
    Glad to learn about the yellow tomatoes, I wouldn’t have tried them until I read this recommendation

    Liked by 1 person

  15. andrewcferguson April 6, 2020 / 12:14 pm

    I think I did read about the Kominsky Method somewhere – if it’s on Netflix I might give it a go, on your recommendation. No tomatoes but red ones in the house, but I do have a beer called Black Gold which describes itself as ‘traditional Scottish milk stout’ to try, perhaps whilst watching Messrs Arkin and Douglas.

    As the sage Meatloaf once said, two out of three ain’t bad…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. eden baylee April 6, 2020 / 1:35 pm

    Great Neil! I love the crazy combination of subject matter for creating your story.

    It works. 🙂

    Stay well,
    eden

    Liked by 2 people

  17. SandyL April 6, 2020 / 2:00 pm

    I like those little tomatoes too. Makes me think that gene*** eng**nering is worth it some of the time … remember when supermarket tomatoes tasted like cardboard?

    I love Netflix. The Kominski Method landed a bit to close to home for me. I remember when Kirk Douglas was a dashing young man on a TV series set in San Francisco and then the ultimate adventure-rom-com hero in ‘Romancing the Stone’. Hmm. Other shows on Nexflix that I’d recommend: Tokyo Diner (Japanese drama-comedy), Kingdom (S.Korean period piece, like Walking Dead but with faster zombies) and Peaky Blinders (English with an accent)

    I get the feeling that you & me are at the same point in trying to find topics to write about. Got any other Knock-Knock jokes for me? 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 6, 2020 / 4:08 pm

      Hi. Thanks for the recommendations.
      Yeah, coming up with good story ideas can be a real challenge. And tiring too, for me anyway.

      Like

  18. JT Twissel April 6, 2020 / 2:51 pm

    Sounds like the Kominsky Method is taking affect on you! LOL. Cherry tomatoes do make you aware that taste doesn’t always come in large packages (okay bad one I know).

    Liked by 2 people

  19. annieasksyou April 6, 2020 / 5:53 pm

    He’s back! That impish, funny guy whose morale I was worried about just a few days ago. Good to read you, Neil.
    Yes, there were nuances of The Kominsky Method in this post (though I’m not sure there are actually any nuances IN The Kominsky Method, fun though it was.)
    I saw a really funny Seth Myer’s standup routine that I think was on Netflix. I also like Hasan Minhaj’s Patriot Act, which consists of kind of John Oliver-type deep dives into serious topics in a fun way ( but sometimes so hip that I’ve no idea what he’s talking about). And we’re halfway through The English Game, a slightly soapy Julian Fellowes thing about class differences in 19th century football—not funny at all, but engrossing, with a charismatic star.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 6, 2020 / 8:04 pm

      Hi. Maybe my wife and I will watch the Seth and Hasan shows. Thanks for the tips. I could use some laughs these days.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Ann Coleman April 6, 2020 / 9:21 pm

    I love your sense of humor, Neil! Especially these days, when we all need a good laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Alyson April 7, 2020 / 4:40 am

    Think you pitched this one just right Neil – We need a bit of humour to keep us going at the moment.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. alhenry April 7, 2020 / 1:28 pm

    Magic Hat–at Thanksgiving, my kids, their partners, and various friends drove halfway across Massachusetts to pick up a case of this brew. In the era of COVID-19, that act has practically achieved nostalgia. Boat-floating, huh? Well,it’s sure not querying agents, which I continue to do. When my stress-meter starts ticking up over stuff like a cancelled trip to London and Paris, or TheRUMP jettisoning all environmental protections and declaring the national stockpile of stuff doctors and nurses desperately to be HIS stockpile, well then I watch an episode of “Poirot.” On a particularly lunatic news day, I watch two episodes. Poirot is light on the mystery, but batting 1000 in the droll, lighthearted, relaxation department. I’m also reading several of the Stephen King books of recent years I hadn’t gotten around to. Two things about King: 1) you can always count on him for a readable yarn full of good characters, and 2) the later books are l-o-n-g, which though possibly they could use a little editing (Edgar?) means they last and last like a big case of toilet paper. Stay well!

    Liked by 2 people

  23. selizabryangmailcom April 7, 2020 / 1:47 pm

    Your editor is very self-involved and self-pitying!
    LOL
    Not a maverick, for sure, ’cause what seems disparate at first actually secretly complements one another perfectly: a beautiful big salad with a nice cold one while watching The Kominsky Method.

    Whether or not that approaches levels of “sexual” depends on one’s point of view, of course, ha.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. dfolstad58 April 7, 2020 / 2:32 pm

    love the cherry tomatoes, I grow them and they are great. I liked the Kominsky method and am enjoying sherlock holmes now. I enjoyed Murdoch Mysteries on netflix, you might also.

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Jane Sturgeon April 8, 2020 / 9:41 am

    I enjoyed your sharp wit, Neil. Those little gold tomatoes are magic. Hugs to you both. Xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 8, 2020 / 12:32 pm

      Thanks for stopping by, Jane. My wife and I had some of those tomatoes last night, as part of a salad. Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. cincinnatibabyhead April 8, 2020 / 1:40 pm

    My Gal uses a cousin to your Comets, she uses ‘Sweetums’. Red with the odd yellow (Maybe a Comet) thrown in. Staple. She also is the beverage buyer (Along with everything else) at our pad. She always has a well stocked selection of brewskis and like you she gets a mixed bag from local breweries. She is complemented all the time on her choices. As far as the short sword I wouldn’t know anything about that but like Marian Muldaur says “It aint the meat it’s the motion”
    As far as what’s ringing my bell, come on Neil, CB is from a town of 300. Doenst take much to entertain me. Maybe a walk though. Later fella.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 8, 2020 / 2:56 pm

      Hi CB. I took a walk a little while ago. Saw a few real nice cherry trees with pink blossoms. The petals are already falling off quite a few flowering trees in my neighborhood. I hate to see them go.

      Liked by 1 person

      • cincinnatibabyhead April 8, 2020 / 3:12 pm

        Just heading out. Beautiful today. Spring has exploded. Mother nature doing her thing. Keep doing the do.

        Liked by 2 people

  27. johnlmalone April 8, 2020 / 5:38 pm

    hugely entertaining, Neil, the spats between you and yr editor. The big Supermoon rang my bell the other night 🙂 stay well, Neil and stay yourself 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  28. K E Garland April 8, 2020 / 8:36 pm

    Unfortunately, I got caught up in Tiger King :-/ After episode 3, it really was fascinating in a train wreck kind of way.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 8, 2020 / 10:05 pm

      I’ve read that Tiger King is a big hit.

      One of my friends told me that Ozark is a show he likes a lot on Netflix.

      Liked by 1 person

      • K E Garland April 8, 2020 / 10:13 pm

        Oh yes. Ozark is interesting. My husband watches it and I sort of follow the story because it’s on. You’d like it, I think.

        Liked by 2 people

  29. carolinehelbig April 9, 2020 / 12:23 am

    Thanks Neil, I needed a good laugh. The Kominsky Method is brilliant…I’m done and need more! Our son has us watching the Tiger King. It’s a complete train wreck of absurd
    and mostly despicable characters, but I’m hooked.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 9, 2020 / 7:25 am

      You’re not alone. I think that huge numbers of people are watching Tiger King.

      Between the regular channels and the streaming channels, there is so much product available, it’s totally beyond belief.

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Fictionophile April 9, 2020 / 10:40 am

    I really enjoyed this Neil. My husband and I are also fans of “The Kominsky Method”. We love the humor which oftentimes turns out to be “a little to close to home” given our ages. LOL

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 9, 2020 / 12:49 pm

      Hey there, Lynne. I wonder if any under-40s watch Kominsky. Probably, but I suppose that it mostly appeals to older people.

      Liked by 1 person

  31. ellie894 April 9, 2020 / 11:25 am

    Wonderful Neil! You’ve given me a grand smile. I love tomatoes!! I pick up the red grape tomatoes but shall look for comets. My beer of the moment is Coronitas, ice cold with a lime on the swing in the afternoon heat. Yes, there’s already afternoon heat in Texas. The Kominsky Method sounds just right to round it all out. What does Edgar know anyway.

    Take care!
    Suzanne ☺️

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 9, 2020 / 12:45 pm

      Kominsky has had two seasons. I hope that Netflix eventually green-lights season three. Take care, Suzanne, and thanks for adding your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

  32. tylerus April 9, 2020 / 2:52 pm

    A great post! Hate tomatoes, by the by, but do know folks who love combining tomato juice with beer (had the DIS-pleasure of trying that once). Stay safe and continue to regale us with your fabulous posts!

    Liked by 2 people

  33. D. Wallace Peach April 11, 2020 / 1:50 pm

    I’ll keep the Comets in mind, Neil, and the beer, though the stores out here on the west coast probably don’t have either. And as far as Edgar’s challenge… no comment! Lol. Have a great weekend and take good care of yourself. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  34. Pam Lazos April 12, 2020 / 10:39 am

    Neil — you’re hilarious! And I love Magic Hat and yellow tomatoes. ;0)

    Liked by 2 people

  35. Silver Screenings April 12, 2020 / 3:53 pm

    I hadn’t heard of The Kominsky Method before, so I watched a couple of trailers on YouTube. I might check it out – thanks for recommending!

    Liked by 2 people

  36. cath April 13, 2020 / 9:46 am

    Great title, Neil, could have been dreamed up by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and what a character Edgar is 🙂 Happy days!

    Liked by 2 people

  37. theburningheart April 18, 2020 / 12:21 pm

    You made me laugh, that phone conversation with your editor was great! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  38. Michele Anderson April 18, 2020 / 8:07 pm

    Once again you have lifted my spirits Neil! I love the Kominsky Method show too. In fact, I’m waiting for the next season. I’ll have to try that beer and the tomatoes.

    Liked by 2 people

  39. jeanleesworld April 24, 2020 / 8:18 pm

    Ha! Looks like you found some buzz-worthy items. I don’t have Netflix, so I can’t comment on Kominsky, but it’s always good to learn about some tasty beers 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 24, 2020 / 10:47 pm

      Hi Jean. If Magic Hat beers are sold in your town, you might want to give them a try. Take care. I hope that all is well with you and your family.

      Liked by 1 person

  40. viewfromoverthehill April 28, 2020 / 2:34 pm

    I loved this one. (That’s more than ‘like’). I’m watching Kominsky’s Method now on the recommendation of a Beverly Hills friend, who obviously has more class than I do. You’re both right. It’s a hoot and a perfect distraction for this difficult time. I also relate, being in their age bracket.
    As for tomatoes Neil: You have no class. The very best tomatoes you can buy are called ‘Kumato’, and in my hood I get them at Whole Foods. (Color is a brownish rust.) Yum!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Another Blogger April 28, 2020 / 4:33 pm

      I’ve seen Kumatos. I’ll give them a try. My wife and I started watching another Netflix series last night. It’s called Lilyhammer. I thought it would be a drama, but it’s not. It’s sort of a comedy. It’s about a mobster in the USA who chooses to live in Norway when he enters the witness protection program.

      Like

      • viewfromoverthehill April 28, 2020 / 5:31 pm

        I saw Lilyhammer too. Enjoyed it. Have you seen Unorthodox? Found that interesting — not at all funny, but interesting. I also recently finished watching Fauda, a series. See what you think.

        Liked by 1 person

  41. iglengel April 29, 2020 / 6:39 am

    In a word – different – but entertaining and isn’t that what it is all about. Writing something that keeps the reader entertained wondering what is coming next. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. The Artist's Child May 24, 2020 / 9:25 pm

    Great piece. I love The Kominsky Method. Glad you do. I hope they make another series. Wonderful actors and we all need to laugh. I think the show is the male counterpart to Grace and Frankie, with Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, which is also fantastic. Thank you for your terrific humour.

    Liked by 1 person

      • The Artist's Child May 25, 2020 / 8:43 am

        Watching it at the moment! Love Ricky Gervais. He is so perceptive.

        Liked by 1 person

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