Me? In The Biden Administration? We Shall See!

Will I be working for this gentleman?
(Photo copyright by Andrew Harnik, Associated Press)

I didn’t answer my cell phone when it rang yesterday, because the call was from a number not in my contacts list. But the caller left a voicemail message that any sensible person would respond to without haste. “Neil,” the message began, “this is Nick Oftime, an assistant director of President-elect Biden’s transition team. I got your phone number from your editor, Edgar Reewright. Please get back to me. I believe that you might be a good fit for a position in the Biden administration.”

Huh? Me? In Washington, DC? Man, I called Nick back faster than Usain Bolt got out of his starting blocks in the 2016 Olympics.

“Nick, this is Neil,” I said when Nick answered. “The President-elect wants little ol’ me to serve in DC? Why, this is a dream come true. I’m stunned. I’m excessively flattered. I accept the offer!”

“Neil, calm down. You don’t even know what the job is. What’s more, you’re not the only person we’re looking at. That’s why I said ‘you might be a good fit.’ Might, Neil. Might.”

“Okay,” I replied, “I understand. So, you know Edgar Reewright?”

“Yes. He’s my editor too, you see. He edited a book of mine that came out three years ago, one that I thought for sure would be a smash hit but bombed instead. It’s called Donald And His Teddy Bears: A President’s Obsession. It’s 100% factual, Neil. Though not many people know this, Trump has been collecting teddy bears since he was four years old. He owns hundreds of them, and every single one is in his White House bedroom. They take up so much space, he barely has any room for clothes, let alone Melania. That’s why he wears the same blue suit every damn day.”

“Nick, that sounds like a book that should have sold a million copies. What does Edgar have to say about that?”

“Oh, he always tells me to write another book, that the second one undoubtedly would do much better than the first. That’s what I was speaking about with him a few days ago. My plans are to delve into one of Trump’s other obsessions: his megalomania-fueled need to have powerful bowel movements four or more times every day. I’ll title the book Trump Takes A Dump (Many Dumps, Actually). This will reveal a side of Donald that he’s been hiding for years and years. But I have to put the President-elect above my writing career, so I’ll work on the book only in the occasional moments of spare time that come my way.”

“Nick, it can’t miss! I predict that your next effort will shoot to the top of every best seller list. Why, gastroenterologists alone will send sales through the roof. What’s Edgar’s opinion?”

“It’s hard to say. He didn’t seem overly enthusiastic, to tell you the truth. And that’s when he brought up your name. He said that, like mine, your ideas and writings are — and I’m going to quote him —  ‘pure drivel.’ Well, my ears picked up. ‘Give me Neil’s phone number, Edgar,’ I demanded. ‘He might be just the person I’m looking for.’ Edgar obliged.”

“And I’m glad that he did. Nick, I’m on pins and needles to hear about the job you’re considering me for.”

“Let me run it by you. Mr. Biden and his team are thinking about making you the public presence for the little guy. And not just any little guy, but the type that’s going nowhere, that’s got no particular talent of any sort to speak of, and that nonetheless keeps their nose to the grindstone while remaining in pretty good spirits. You seem to meet those qualifications, Neil, and I say so because I spent half of yesterday reading dozens of stories on your blog. Edgar was right, you know. They are, for the most part, pure drivel. But that doesn’t stop you from turning them out at a halfway decent rate, does it? That’s very admirable. Still, you’re not a shoo-in to be hired. If it’s okay with you, I’ll be calling some of your friends and relatives to try and learn if you meet our requirements in every respect.”

Naturally, I gave my consent.

“Neil,” Nick continued, “you’d help to boost the morale of many Americans if we decide to choose you for this job, because they would learn that the much-better-than average Joe who soon will occupy the White House is thinking about all Americans, that he is committed to making the USA a welcoming place for every one of its citizens, including inconsequential ones such as you. The person we tap will go out on speaking tours and will be all over the media. It’s the chance of a lifetime. How about it, Neil? Might the job interest you?”

“Would I have my own office, Nick? I’d have to have my own office.”

“Yes, of course you would. There’s a secret supply room in the White House basement. Trump stores his cache of toilet paper in there. Thousands of rolls, I’ve been told. I assume that he’ll be taking them with him when he leaves office. In any case, we’d turn that room into a fairly comfortable work place.”

Nick paused. Then he said, “Neil, I have to go. Not to the bathroom, but to the President-elect’s strategy room. There are a few things that he and the team want to discuss with me there. Plus, there are two other individuals I plan to interview today over the phone for the job. One of them is a presumed writer too. Her stuff is even worse than yours. Goodbye, Neil. We will speak again.”

That, then, is where the matter stands for now. Maybe my nation’s capital is in my future. Maybe not. As they say, we shall see.

137 thoughts on “Me? In The Biden Administration? We Shall See!

      • cigarman501 December 20, 2020 / 5:43 am

        I’m fortunate, I write for my own enjoyment and not to make a living…although it would be nice.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Norbertgreth December 20, 2020 / 3:47 pm

    He will not be President.

    Like

  2. Mike December 21, 2020 / 2:21 pm

    Neil,

    Remember, power corrupts, and comical power corrupts comically.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Silver Screenings December 21, 2020 / 10:13 pm

    An office in the secret supply room in the White House?! Completely awesome!

    Please remember us little people when you become a high-powered player in D.C.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Another Blogger December 21, 2020 / 11:19 pm

      I haven’t heard from the Biden people in over a week. I’m starting to think that the job isn’t in the cards.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Pam Lazos December 23, 2020 / 11:14 am

    Neil, Neil, Neil — you have my vote!

    Like

  5. veeds December 24, 2020 / 11:48 am

    The Driveler In Chief!

    I love the idea of this story of Biden asking you to take a position in the new administration. In fact, I may just steal it for myself: 1) Biden’s chief of staff calls me, 2) of course I recognize the number because my phone is set to play “Hail to the Chief” whenever a WH call comes in, 3) He hints that the position might have something to do with writing droll, whimsical blog posts that nevertheless have a potent punch line.

    Hmmm…anyone listening over there on Pennsy Ave?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger December 24, 2020 / 1:23 pm

      Hi. I’m pretty sure that Biden has a good sense of humor. In any event, he knows that Trump is a bad joke.

      Like

  6. jeanleesworld December 28, 2020 / 8:07 am

    Hee hee! Hey, we all need to share our drivel now and then. 🙂 xxxxxx Hope you had a lovely holiday!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Emma December 31, 2020 / 9:26 am

    Excellent! I hope you get the job! And your office sounds fitting…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Another Blogger December 31, 2020 / 11:09 am

      Hi. Well, I haven’t heard from the Biden team in several weeks. I’m getting the impression that the job won’t be offered to me. C’est la vie.

      Like

      • veeds January 6, 2021 / 1:20 pm

        Maybe if you were able to “find” those 11,000 missing votes you could join the President un-elect’s team!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Gibberish January 1, 2021 / 8:03 am

    This was hilarious to read….am sure this post will be your winning ticket to get the most coveted job in the White House 😁😁

    Liked by 1 person

  9. marymtf January 2, 2021 / 6:43 pm

    Even once the toilet rolls have been cleared, I doubt that you can count on using the basement for your office. The basement is where Biden feels most comfortable.

    Liked by 1 person

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