As many of us know, Sly Stone left this mortal coil early this month, and two days later Brian Wilson joined him in the Great Rock Band In The Sky. Two superb musical minds, and revered figures, gone, just like that. At least they made it into their 80s. Their passings would have been harder to take had they left us while in their primes.
As the masterminds, respectively, of Sly And The Family Stone and The Beach Boys, Sly and Brian helped turn the 1960s into a music wonderland. During that decade, music was vibrantly alive with love and hope and power and innovation. No decade before or since, to my way of thinking, was or has been as sonically diverse and dynamic. I came of age during the 1960s, becoming, among other things, a music junkie, a description that still fits me, though not to the extent it did back then. Those were the days.
I could go on and on about Sly Stone and Brian Wilson, but I don’t mean to focus on them. The idea to meld them into this story, though, came to me on Sunday, June 19, which was Father’s Day in my nation, the USA. They, and their music, were on my mind, as had been the case for a number of days. My father, of course, was on my mind too. Very much so. Many memories about him played in my head, including music-related ones. I’m sure the latter would not have surfaced had I not been thinking about Sly and Brian.
My dad, Hyman Scheinin, lived to the ripe old age of 96, breathing his last on September 1, 2005. He spent the final six and a half years of his life with me and my wife Sandy, and became a dialysis patient about one year after moving in with us. Dialysis is a hard road for anybody to travel, let alone someone in their 90s. But my father bore the burden pretty well, emotionally and physically. Over time, however, his body began to wear out from the strain of three-times-per-week dialysis sessions, and from infections. He died in a hospital bed, with my wife, my brother Richard and myself beside him. It was a sad day, one I thought about a lot on Father’s Day.
Sandy and I did our best to care for my father, and to try and keep his spirits up. Everyone deserves to experience positive things in life, it goes without saying, so we made it a point to get him out of the house for more than his dialysis sessions and his numerous other medical appointments. He went with us to restaurants and art shows, to name two activities. And I would take him on casual drives, just to see what we would see. He almost always had a good time.
And then there were the Friday night jazz concerts at the Philadelphia Museum Of Art, a series populated by established and up-and-coming musicians from the States and elsewhere. The series ran for about 15 years and ended maybe 10 years ago. Being a jazz head, I miss it. My father attended 19 of those shows with us (Sandy and I also went to shows at the museum without him), and felt completely in his element there, probably to his surprise and certainly to ours. We’d arrive early, so as to be able to grab one of the cocktail tables close to the stage area. Out on the town and in a magnificent setting (the museum’s Great Hall), my father was happy as a clam from the moment he sat down.
Growing up, I didn’t think of my father as a music appreciator. He didn’t listen to songs on the radio, didn’t play albums on the family phonograph. And I had little reason to change my viewpoint until those many decades later. I think, now, that the thrill of just being at the museum concerts opened up my father’s ears, made him hungry to truly experience music. And truly experience it he did. His involvement reached a peak in January 2003 at a performance by the quartet led by the then-new-on-the-scene alto saxophonist Miguel Zenón. Zenón is a wonderful musician, adept at various approaches to jazz. He can play softly and melodically, for instance. And, while soloing, he can be ferocious.
In the middle of the show, following a lengthy and intense Zenón solo, the damndest thing happened. Sandy and I couldn’t believe our eyes when my father leaped from his chair, clapping madly in appreciation of Zenón’s mighty efforts. Normally a mild-mannered sort, he was revealing just how deeply into music he could dive. I was duly impressed. No one at the show was enjoying themselves more than the nonagenarian a few feet away from me and Sandy.
It’s fitting for me to conclude this musical story with the title song from Miguel Zenón’s first album, Looking Forward, because the album came out a mere smattering of months before his appearance at the art museum. Undoubtedly, then, he played tunes from it at the concert. Perhaps this song is the one that made my father applaud like there was no tomorrow. Whether it is or not, I tip my hat to Zenón for having brought joy to my father, and to Sly Stone and Brian Wilson for nudging me to write the words on this page.
Yeah, Another Blogger 
A beautiful tribute to your dad and the power of music, Neil.
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Hi, and thanks.
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love this
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Thank you.
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This post is so full of love. Of family. Of caring. And connection. Moved me. I teared up with the death of Brian Wilson. He was a local boy and a sad genius.
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Hi Cindy. Brian had a very difficult life. Somehow he was able to regroup, in a sense, and do lots of touring when he was in his 60s and 70s.
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Good memories, Neil and how wonderful that you had your father for so many years – and that he had you!
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He was an easy-going person. Not demanding at all.
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a wonderful tribute to your dad; perhaps my favourite post of yours; love the jazz clip too, though I was never into jazz, Great one, Neil 🙂
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Thanks very much.
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I love the image of him leaping up to offer his applause. Music is awesome
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Music makes our lives better.
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Obviously very fond memories of you Dad. You were lucky to have him for so long.
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Right. He had a full life.
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Thank you, Neil, for the wonderful and moving tribute to your father. It show the importance of a loving family relationship and goodness that enrich us when reading about, especially in view of horrors of daily news. Thank you, Neil, for putting smile on my face and the feeling that the world isn’t bad place after all. You are right about the power of music and the importance in our life.
Joanna
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Thanks for the kind words, Joanna. Appreciated.
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Nice read as well as fond memories of your father.
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Glad you liked this piece. Thanks.
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Please write more about music, I would certainly be interested to read about it.
How do you like Swift?
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Hi. I’ve written many music-related stories over the years. Probably I’ll do another fairly soon.
I know that Taylor Swift is talented, but I’m not her biggest fan.
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Oh, why not?
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Hi. I don’t fully connect with her music.
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At first I also wasn’t sure about it either, but then as I moved past the initial resistance to the themes, I started seeing it as rather accurate description of some perhaps typical human encounters, relationships
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I love that he let go of his inhibitions at the saxophone solo. That was powerful and beautiful.
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Right, the music totally captured him.
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Your post touched me immensely. These are beautiful memories always to be cherished. A wonderful post; congratulations.
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Thank you very much.
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How wonderful to continue to expand your mind and appreciate music in your ninth decade, and you were a real mensch to take your dad around town and let him find this joy.
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Hi Robert. Yeah, he loved going to those jazz shows with me and my wife. They were exciting and fascinating to him.
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What a lovely post!
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Thanks a lot.
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A phenomenal memory, my friend. It’s wonderful that you had the opportunity to experience live music with your father and got to see how much it affected him.
Thanks for sharing this.
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Hello there. I got a lot of pleasure from seeing my father enjoy himself so much.
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The museum opened his ears! What a wonderfully different takeaway from going to a museum. It’s great how you made this happen for your father and were there to observe the experience.
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It’s a great museum, art-wise. And it was even better during the years they had the Friday night jazz series, because that series was pretty special.
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What a wonderful memory of your dad. It is always a nice surprise when we get to enjoy a side of our parents that we have never seen before and would never expect.
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Absolutely.
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Nice write up and tribute to your father. Enjoyed reading.
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Thanks. Who is this, by the way? You’re listed as Anonymous.
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What a great thing for you and your father to experience and enjoy together!
I have been on a Beach Boys/Brian Wilson immersion in the days since he died, including a lot of music new to me from albums that did not sell well.
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I’m a big fan of some of those lesser-selling albums. Smiley Smile, Wild Honey, Friends, and others.
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What a wonderful post! I especially like how you and your gave your father creative care as well as physical care. One is as important as the other.
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Including dialysis, he averaged 15 or so medical appointments each month. So, it was important for normal, enjoyable activities to be part of his life too.
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So important! Lovely to read about how you and your wife provided those enjoyable activities. Loving-kindness at its best.
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Wow. What a wonderful memory AND experience. It is interesting how the passing of people we don’t know impact us and nudge us to think in disparate ways. Music is an important thread which connects ideas and events all in one. Man, what a great time you had with your dad. Stay well and keep punching the publish button. Peace.
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Hi, Clay. Thanks very much. I appreciate your comments.
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At present having a similar musical… thanks for the reminder of the importance of music in our lives.
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What a beautiful, moving essay. Your father was a remarkable man; his longevity speaks to his quiet zest for life and the steady, faithful support you and Sandy gave him.
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Thanks for adding your thoughts. Who is this, by the way! You’re listed as Anonymous.
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It’s your technologically challenged friend, Liz S.
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Hi Neil,
It’s lovely you had the chance to experience live music with your father. Great memories. 😀
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Morning, Eden. After the jazz shows, we’d go to dinner with him at nearby restaurants. So, those were real good, full evenings.
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What a wonderful memory you have of your father….despite all the wear and tear of age and the strain of dialysis he was so open to that new experience….and enjoyed it to the full.
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He was pretty remarkable in some ways.
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Great essay, Neil. You were a good son. It’s a helluva strain taking care of an ailing parent, as my wife can attest. (Her mother had dementia and died at 91 a year ago.)
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Hi, Pete. Some very old people don’t have too many health issues — they are the lucky ones.
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My father loved music. I inherited his LP collection. I play them to feel close to him when I need it. It’s good you were able to give your dad those experiences.
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What types of music did your father like?
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My dad was into classical music and jazz. But he also appreciated good church organ music. He played a trumpet in his community’s band when he was young. My brother and I followed in his brass footsteps. My brother played baritone, I played French horn. My son played trombone!
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Lovely essay, Neil.
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Thanks very much.
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What a heart-felt memory of your father.
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Thanks, Jacqui.
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What a lovely tribute to your father.
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Many thanks.
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A lovely tribute to your dad and to the musians who prompted the post. Thanks for sharing Neil.
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I appreciate it. Thanks a lot.
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Let me try commenting again (the other one flew into oblivion) – I found this a very lovely post. Here’s to dads.
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Hi, and thanks very much. I don’t know who this is, though — you’re listed as Anonymous.
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Great post Neil. My father enjoyed music too. Got introduced to Sinatra, Dean Martin and Louie Prima by my dad. Sundays with Sinatra was on in my home every week.
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Hi Mike. Sundays With Sinatra was a great program. Your father had good taste.
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I’ve long believed no one has ever truly died until the last person who remembers them has passed. Your story drives that home again for me…..a lovely memory!
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I appreciate your comments a lot.
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l enjoyed your story and the music. It is so wonderful to hear how you and Sandy treated your father!
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Thank you very much. I’m not sure who this is, though — your name appears as Anonymous.
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I’m hearing Mingus (and a bunch of others) all over this. Havent heard Zenon before but will be searching out more of his music. Great image of the oldman (no disrespect Hyman) jumping up and feeling the music. A blue ribbon Neil take. I kinda missed the Sly/ Brian vibe but this is one of the things i dig about music, people get inspiration and other joy from it. Cant argue those points.
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Hi CB. I wish I had a video of my father applauding at that show. It was a cool moment.
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Forgot to mention the Horace Silver nod.
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nicely done. It’s interesting. I just did a blog on my dad as well. 😉
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Hello Max. Our fathers were on our minds!
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What a lovely memory to have of your father. Just shows you are never too old to learn to appreciate something new.
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Hi. It’s good for people to be inquisitive and open-minded, no matter what their age.
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I always enjoy these little glimpses into your life, which make me think. My first thought while reading was “Where did the term ‘mortal coil’ come from?” My next one was, “How wonderful that you were able to give your father that quality time towards the end of his life.” And finally, “There’s nothing like live music!” I’ve been enjoying the Rochester Jazz Festival this week. Some of the music I’ve heard put a very broad smile on my face and made me feel I’d died and gone to nirvana. Jazz can be like that! So glad you inherited your dad’s music appreciation gene.
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Hi. I enjoyed your comments/thoughts a lot. I don’t know who this is, though. You’re listed as Anonymous.
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Neil, how wonderful you and Sandy were able to brighten your father’s final years! After me and my four siblings retired to bed at night, my father would relax in the adjacent living room playing his favorite LP albums. He was not a jazz lover, so I didn’t develop an appreciation for the sound. But, as your father demonstrated, it’s never too late 🙂
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Afternoon, Rosaliene. Who were some of the artists your father listened to on LP?
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Some of his favorite artists were Mario Lanza, Frank Sinatra, Johnny Mathis, Nat King Cole, Doris Day, and Connie Francis.
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This is such a wonderfully written and heartwarming story. I very much enjoyed reading it. I am glad to hear that you had a blast spending quality time with your dad, cherishing the moments, offering comfort, and creating lasting positive memories along the way. More than ever, our culture has experienced loneliness. If you’ve ever felt forgotten or questioned your worth, this can be difficult at any age-especially the elderly. When we spend time with elderly folk, it can often provide a sense of dignity and purpose. They’ll feel valued and be more open to share their wisdom. It’s a win-win situation for everyone to feel loved and appreciated! Thanks for sharing, and have a good day 🙂 Aiva xx
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I totally agree: “It’s a win-win situation for everyone to feel loved and appreciated!”
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🥰🥰🥰
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I’ll join the jazzy chorus line here in saying that this piece is truly a fine tribute to a father & the power of music. Thanks for that.
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Hi. Thanks very much.
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Beautiful memories and tribute, Neil!
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I appreciate it. Thanks a lot.
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Great music 🙂 I liked imagining your father so engrossed in the music!
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Howdy, Lynne. It was something to behold!
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This is such a wonderful story about your father and the love you had for him. It is also wonderful that you (and music) were able to bring joy to him in his later years. I think that no one really knows their parents. Whether we had good or bad relationships with them, most of us tend to think of them only as parents. But parenthood is only one part of a person. Both of my parents died young, my father when I was a high school senior, and my mother a few years later. And I often wish that they had lived longer so that I could have just sat down and talked with them, adult to adult. I am so happy that you were able to share your love of music with your father.
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Your thoughts and observations are very perceptive. I tend to think that many people don’t have a full picture of their parents, even if their parents lived into their 80s and beyond.
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Music is a healer of grief and carries memories between generations. I still believe in quality over quantity of life. Your Dad was certainly a battler.
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He was. Being on dialysis was no picnic.
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What a beautiful tribute to your father and your and his relationship. Thank you for sharing, Miguel Zenón’s, Looking Forward! I can understand why your dad jumped up from his seat after listening to it. Excellent!
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Hi there. Miguel Zenon continues to be a very active musician. He’s a fine talent.
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Hi Neil! That was some tear jerker. 😞😢🤧
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Hi AOC. I’m glad you enjoyed the story, Thanks a lot for commenting.
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Hi Neil,
What a lovely tribute to your late father, and the two musicians who passed away recently.
How special that you and Sandy took care of your dad so lovingly for many years, I’m sure he was immensely grateful to you both.
Warmly,
Tanja
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Hey there, Tanja. He had been living alone for a number of years. But when his health took a downward turn, it became clear that he should move in with us.
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It’s nice you were able to have him move in with you for the last years of his life.
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My mother died last summer at age 98 having spent the past year of her life in a nursing home. I would take her to the Friday afternoon music activities, where a different musical group or singer would be on regular rotation playing the oldies but goodies, and not necessarily that old as the Beatles were creeping into the playlist. My mom always loved music, but it was such a pleasure to see her come alive when the music started, and tap her toes and clap and sing along. I’ve often thought nursing homes should have a daily dose of music, and just not once a week activity.
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Hi Joni. I enjoyed reading your comments. Music can be powerful, maybe more so than we realize. Music can take us to “higher places.”
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What a wonderful tribute and lovely story! Wow, 96 is a great age. You’re very lucky to have had your dad around for so long, but it’s awful when you see a parent so full of life stricken with a disease. That happened to both of my parents – it’s tough.
Isn’t the medical profession using music for Dementia patients…says it all.
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Howdy. Music has been part of human cultures for eons. Just about everyone needs music in their lives.
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What a lovely tribute to your father! And kudos to you and Sandy for taking such good care of him…that’s what love is all about!
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Hi Ann. We didn’t do anything special, really. Loads of people provide excellent care for elderly/ill members of their family.
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