Ho, ho, ho and all that jazz, this is Santa Claus, writing to you from the frigging North Pole. It’s colder than deep space here, so cold that my private parts probably wouldn’t thaw out if I spent a month in the Caribbean. Despite that, I’d love to relocate to warmer climes. But Mrs. Claus won’t hear of it. Ditto for the elves, those weirdos I rely on to help get the big job done at Christmastime. Beats me how anybody can stand the cold. But it takes all kinds, I guess.
Anyway, one week ago, feeling antsy, I decided to get away for a couple of days. The elves are strange as hell, so I was not at all certain they could handle Christmas-toymaking pressure on their own. But I knew that Mrs. Claus would keep things under control. What a woman she is! It’s a shame that my frozen privates almost always prevent me from providing her with the satisfaction she deserves. Not to mention that true intimacy would be much more achievable if I dropped at least 80 pounds. Yeah, there’s no denying I’m a fat f*ck.
“Where are you headed, my chubby hubbie?” my spouse asked when I told her of my need for a quick getaway.
“I’m off to Pennsylvania, USA, dearest. I’ve been out of touch with Sandy and Neil for a long while. I miss them. Too bad I won’t be with them during Chanukah. But that holiday begins only a week and a half before Christmas, and I’ll need to be back home well before that. Dearest, I think it’s great I have Jewish friends. Why, I’m so comfortable with Sandy and Neil, I sometimes flirt with the idea of converting to Judaism.”
“What? Are you out of your mind?” my wife responded. “You’re a Christian icon!”
“Just joking, dearest, just joking,” I said. Or was I? Twenty minutes later, after pecking my better half on the cheek, I climbed into my waiting sleigh and in a handful of seconds was up, up and away.
I reached my destination in record time, landing and parking, under a seriously dark sky, in Sandy and Neil’s backyard. “Don’t cause any problems, guys,” I told the reindeer. “No moaning and groaning. No crapping on the lawn. Just lie down and be quiet. We’ll be homeward bound tomorrow.”
I made my way to the front of the house and knocked on the door. Neil opened it. “Holy shit, it’s Santa! It’s been ages, my man. Ages. Come on in. How have you been? Sandy, Santa‘s here!” Sandy ran to the door, a wide smile on her face.
“I’ve been thinking about you, Santa. I’ve missed you so much!” she said.
Well, they embraced me, and I them, and then the three of us sat down and spent the next two hours chit-chatting, noshing, drinking, and having one hell of a fine time. What’s better than being with people you actually want to be with? Not much.
The conversation turned to the holiday season. “As I know you know, Santa, I’m an atheist,” Neil said. “But there’s something about Chanukah even I can get into. I’m talking about lighting menorah candles each night of the holiday and watching them glow. They’re beautiful and put me in a gentle frame of mind. I wish you could spend at least part of Chanukah with us, Santa, but I’m sure your schedule won’t allow that.”
“Right, duty awaits me at the North Pole,” I said. “But, speaking of beautiful, how about we all stroll around your neighborhood right now? Many of your neighbors really know how to decorate their houses and grounds for Christmas. We’ve looked at wonderful Christmas displays a few times before. Remember?”
“How could I forget, Santa?” Neil asked. “One of those excursions lifted you out of a funk.”
“Word!” I acknowledged. “Okay, let’s see what we shall see.”
Well, what can I say? The sights at night on the blocks near Sandy and Neil’s home mesmerized the three of us. I felt as if I were in a wonderland. And in a real sense I was. Those streets were enchanted, and only in good ways.
Before departing the next day, I asked Neil if I could contribute a story to Yeah, Another Blogger. I’d written two guest posts before. “Damn straight, Santa!” he said. “That would suit me just fine. You write a heck of a lot better than me, you know.”
“Neil, you’re such a flatterer!” I replied. But he wasn’t wrong about that.
Soon, the time to say goodbye arrived. It had been over five years since I’d spoken on the phone with, let alone visited, Sandy and Neil. We promised to stay in touch regularly. And I believe we will. And, though it was still a few weeks away, they wished me a very Happy New Year. Which is what I wish for the readers of Neil’s publication. The world is in sad straits. It’s going through a dark period. But if we all let our inner lights shine brightly, maybe we can push the needle in a positive direction.
Thank you, Neil, for posting my article. And thank you, readers, for reading it!
Yeah, Another Blogger 
Santa, you are an excellent guest blogger. I hope you’ve thawed out by now and that Mrs. Santa will get the gift she truly deserves this year. Happy Holidays!
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This is Neil. Santa asked me to thank you for commenting. By the way, he and I don’t know who this is. You’re listed as Anonymous.
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Great story, Santa! And just a reminder: the North Pole is in Canada. Another good reason to keep your operation up there, despite the cold. Mrs. Claus is right!
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Howdy. This is Neil. Santa says that Mrs. Claus has superb judgment.
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Yes indeed! 😀
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Thank you, Santa, for the entertaining, as always! Perhaps you will visit my chimney, as I was such a good girl! I have the mince pies ready for you.
Joanna
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Santa says thank you, and also says he’s looking forward to your mince pies.
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Thank you, Neil, for passing the message from Santa and thank him from me.
Joanna
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Hang on to that Mrs. Claus, Santa. She’s a good one.
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Santa told me to tell you that you are 100% correct about Mrs. Claus.
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A very, very enjoyable read, Santa. 😊 And Happy New Year to Neil from a fellow atheist.
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It’s hard to believe that 2025 is almost over. Time is speeding up!
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Amazing display of Christmas lights in their neighbourhood
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Looking at beautiful Christmas displays at night is a favorite activity of mine.
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In a world in such dire straits I think we seek out times of happiness and brightness all the more diligently and treasure the distraction and comfort they afford. Mary and I are similarly atheists but never fail to put out the figures of the Christian Nativity and they are more than a decoration for they recall and reflect our backgrounds and traditions. Ireland would generally be described as a post-Christian society but it is important not to throw out the baby with the bathwater, so to speak, for all religions have teachings which are of great value to today’s society. So, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Christmas and Best Wishes for the New year to yourself and Sandy. I hope Santa makes a return visit bringing the presents you deserve.
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Hi Paddy. All the best to you and your wife, now and in the future.
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Great fun: Santa and Neil! Like you, Neil, we are athiest/humanist Jews who believe in goodness, hope, peace and love; all of which we wish you and your loyal wife. Already! Joy and Eric Lennick xxxx
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Hi Joy. You and your husband are wonderful people. You make the world a better place.
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Gosh, I’d love to have a personal friend like Santa Claus, that would be great. Also, I enjoy seeing the artistic holiday displays you included in today’s post.
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My wife and I drove around our neighborhood for 20 minutes a few nights ago. There are many terrific displays. We’ll investigate other neighborhoods too over the next few weeks.
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This was brilliant! Love the sass, the attitude, and the humor. The photos are also wonderful. Looks like the neighbors have the spirit!
Great post, my friend! A great way to spread the holiday spirit.
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Thanks a lot, Richard. I appreciate that.
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Perfect!
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Many thanks.
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🙂
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Thanks, Deb.
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Santa, I’m agnostic, and I’ve always liked you for walking the walk without pushing religion in my face like so many of us. Peace and love, dude!
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This is Neil. Santa asked me to tell you that he appreciates your comments a lot. And he wishes you peace and love too!
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The pictures you took are much better than those Neil usually takes, too, Santa!
[oops…..did I say that out loud?]
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Hi. Neil here. Santa read your comments and says he completely agrees with your opinion about his photos and my photos.
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Thanks Santa. This atheist has a warm spot for you. Merry Christmas Neil and Sandy. Lovely Christmas lights.
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Hi. This is Neil. A very happy upcoming New Year to you and yours.
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Actually I should have said Happy Chanukah. Enjoy.
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Um, I’m pretty sure this is an imposter Santa, maybe an AI version.
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Jacqui, I assure you that the real Santa wrote this story. Scout’s honor!
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If inflatable plastic snowmen were banned for climate reasons, I wouldn’t miss them. Same with candy canes. But I do like seeing the limbs of bare trees outlined in white lights.
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A couple of nights ago, my wife and I passed a house with so many inflatable figures crowded together on the lawn, it’s incredible. Very impressive, and completely over the top.
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a classic, and beautiful pictures!
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Thanks. Who is this by the way? You’re listed as Anonymous.
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I met Santa last week too! He was in a play in my cousin’s village hall. He looked a bit like my cousin too. Funny that.
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Santa and your cousin probably are related, but somehow don’t know it. Maybe they’ll realize it one day.
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I’m sure that’s the explanation. Totally.
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Lucky you to get a special visit from Santa! Your neighbors have done a fine job with the Xmas decorations and lights. Cheers to letting our inner light shine brightly 😀
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It just popped into my head that The Beatles recorded a song titled The Inner Light:
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Please let Santa know that I loved his article! Hopefully, I won’t be on his naughty list again this year, and hopefully, these dark times will end sooner than later. Happy Holidays!
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Santa thanks you very much for adding your thoughts. And he says you are not on his naughty list this year.
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Happy Hanukkah! As always great photos!
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Thanks for being a loyal reader, Joyce.
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Happy Holidays, Neil, Sandy and Santa!
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Thanks. We don’t know who this is, though. You’re listed as Anonymous.
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No wonder Santa was impressed!
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There are lots of fine displays in my neighborhood. In my entire region, actually.
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Smiling here. Merry Christmas, Santa and family…and to Neil and Sandy too
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Hi, and thanks for the good wishes.
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Santa, I hope you appreciate that, like you, Neil is always pushing the needle in a positive direction. That’s why so many of us read his blog posts! They help us take a few lovely minutes away from a stressful world.
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Hi Paula. This is Santa. You’ll give Neil a swelled head!
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Santa, I totally forgot you knew Neil! I’m also wondering if you can perform some small Christmas miracles, like new leadership for the States, etc.?
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Santa here. There are distressing numbers of Republicans in the USA. And most of them support Trump, which is a shameful and unconscionable thing to do.
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Mrs. Claus & Santa, Sandy & Neil (two of the best couples I know of!)…thank you for putting a big smile on my face and lots of warmth in my heart with this post.
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Thanks for the kind words. Appreciated.
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Any friend of Santa’s is a friend of mine. I think it’s great that the first reports of him toodling around the world this year came from you, Neil.
It being the gift-giving season, I have one for you. I’ve recently fallen in love with a Philippine family band called Missioned Souls. They’re self-taught, and started producing videos in 2022 or so. It’s mom, dad, and four kids. In this video, the bass player’s sixteen, and Isaiah, the drummer, is eleven. Sometimes the kids put out a video without the parents, as they did with “Little Drummer Boy.” They can rock hard (AC/DC, Deep Purple, Toto, Guns n’ Roses, etc.) but I thought you might get a kick out of this seasonal offering.
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I’ve always liked this song a lot. This version rocks like crazy. They are into it!
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Santa, I know we lost touch over the years. I have not written you as much as I used to. I’m too old to be very naughty, so I hope I am now on your nice list. Your post is really giving a boost to the “Yeah, Another Blogger” site which is flying all over the world right now!
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Santa here. Hello Geoff. I had fun writing this story. I sure hope Neil lets me write another one some day.
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Hi, Santa! I’m a little jealous of Neil and Sandy for having you as a buddy – but I suppose I shouldn’t admit to that as it might get me on the naughty list. Here’s hoping that you and the Mrs and all those weird ass elves have a smooth and groovy Christmas, and all your friends as well.
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Dave, this is Santa. I’m back in the North Pole. The elves, as usual, have me scratching my head. I can’t figure those guys out. But they are good toymakers, which makes them indispensable. Oh well.
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Nice post Santa. I like the Christmas lights and the holiday spirit too but could you please tell the elves to cut back on the plastic toys and useless stocking stuffers that hold the gift recipient’s attention for less time than the average TikTok video? If you’ve been eyeing retirement, I say go for it. The world already has too much stuff.
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Carol, this is Neil. Santa wants me to tell you that he agrees there are far too many objects in the world. And far too much packaging. He is trying to figure out a solution.
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Nice post! I hope you fed the reindeer!
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Yes indeed!
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A great guest post, Santa and I love the Chrissy lights!
Having visited you and Mrs Claus at the Arctic Circle, but you weren’t home, I know how you feel about the bitter cold. Your elves were very strange indeed and quite scary…maybe you can do something about those guys?
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I’m sorry I wasn’t home when you visited. As for the elves: maybe I can convince them to move in with you??!!
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Ha, ha, thank you and that’s a very kind gesture Santa, but I don’t have room unless they’d like to pitch a tent outside!
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Santa, you really write a wonderful guest blog. And with your busy schedule too! Happy holidays!
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Hello. This is Santa. Thanks very much. You’re listed as Anonymous, though. So, I don’t know who you are.
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Don’t know why it went to Anonymous! It’s Sherri from olivesandislands…
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Clever and hilarious, Neil! Have a great holiday!
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Happy New Year!
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thank you! Same to you!
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You’re so lucky to have Santa as a pal. And I hope he gets his frozen giblets problem sorted soon, for Mrs Santa’s sake. She sounds like a fine lady.
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I’d like to meet her. Maybe that will happen one day.
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a hoot of a story, Neil 🙂
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Thanks. I appreciate it.
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Thank you for a great post – you know how to make me smile (not an easy feat). 😉
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Glad you liked it. Take care.
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Great story, like wise the photographs. Twinkling lights at Christmas – nothing better, oh, apart from a good cake.
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🍰
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Thank you Neil for posting Santa’s article. I now have a greater insight in the thoughts and tribulations of this Christmas guy. I loved every word. Great fun. Wonderful to read this in, as Santa says, a very dark period. All the best for the New Year. I look forward to your following blog instalments.
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Hi Yvonne. Here’s to a 2026 that’s much better than 2025 has been!
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This made me laugh so much, thanks for that! ❤️
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Hi. I’m glad you got a kick from this story.
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That was such fun! And I loved the second picture – the pinky-purple theme.
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There are a lot of well-decorated-for-Christmas houses in my neighborhood.
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Thank you Santa. (I’ll ask Neil for your whatsapp.)
And yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum…
(No? That’s in Stevenson? I’ll be darned…)
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Santa says he hopes you enjoy the rum.
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👍🏻
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You are a talented writer, Neil! Merry Christmas!
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Hi Ann. Many thanks.
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I had more than a few laughs while reading this. Agreed, there’s not much better than being with people you actually want to be with! Enjoy the holidays!
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Hi, and thanks for the kind words. Take care. Here’s to a real good 2026!
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Just putting the Christmas lights on today, Neil. You won’t see them from outer space (very low key) but I’m sure Santa will see.
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Santa sees just about everything, or so he has told me.
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Delightful and fun post, Neil. I’ve enjoyed going through this dark time in history with you. Here’s hoping the cracks get bigger letting the light of hope stream in, and we can all enjoy a truly happy New Year.
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Hi. Yeah, we need to hang in there as best we can, and continue to try to make the world a decent place. All the best to you, Michele.
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I love a guest post from Santa!
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I was having trouble coming up with story ideas, so I was fortunate that Santa offered his services.
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