“What the f*ck is going on?” I asked myself two Thursday afternoons ago while at my volunteer job in a medical office building near my home. (I man the information desk there for four hours each week, answering questions and helping people in a variety of other ways.)
The day was humming along. I was busy. But something I’d never seen before in the dozen years I’ve held the gig was becoming more and more apparent as the afternoon progressed. Namely, scads of male visitors, ranging from teenagers to senior citizens, were wearing shorts. Amazingly, in fact, it seemed that more geezers — my peers — were in shorts than the younger members of my gender.
The volume of shorts-clad guys in the building didn’t decrease at any point during my shift. I even saw two examples of those gentlemen, each a strong candidate for the Hairiest Legs In Town trophy, heading for an exit together. What the f*ck, indeed! Was it National Men-In-Shorts Day? Sure, the weather outside was mild. But on nice days about one in ten guys visiting the building normally sport shorts. On the Thursday in question the percentage was at least three times higher. Some pieces of photographic evidence of what I observed are included in this essay.
Now, there’s little doubt that just about nobody but me would have paid much, if any, attention to the shorts situation that day. I mean, who gives a shit about guys in shorts, right? Well, I do, but only when it comes to males middle-aged and above. That’s because I, once very pro-shorts, eliminated shorts from my wardrobe circa 1990. In my mid-40s at the time, I was of the opinion that shorts had become age-inappropriate for me.
Furthermore, I decided that guys in my age demographic or older would do well to follow suit. Needless to say, that didn’t happen and still hasn’t. I’ll never be an influencer.
It doesn’t take a psychiatrist or psychotherapist to understand that what I did and thought regarding shorts revealed and continues to reveal plenty about my insecurities and confidence level. Let’s face it, I feel slightly threatened by and jealous of mature men who appear in public in shorts. Clearly, though, I should admire them instead, as many of them, undoubtedly, are more comfortable in their skins than I am in mine.
So, I’ve got work to do. Mainly, I’ll try to stop asking myself “what the f*ck?” when shorts-wearing guys who are far removed from their 20s enter my field of vision. And it wouldn’t hurt if I bought and began wearing shorts again. Screw age–inappropriate!
Up until six months ago I wouldn’t have needed to buy any shorts, though, as two pairs of same had been residing undisturbed within my clothes closet for eons. One was a multi-colored gem, a work of pop art. Back in the 1980s I wore it proudly.
The second pair, taupe in color, lacked charisma but was cool nonetheless. For reasons I can’t recall, not only did I never wear it, I didn’t even remove the price tag. I suppose I bought this pair in the 1990s, thinking I might one day get back into a shorts frame of mind.
Anyway, six months ago a wonderful event took place: a multi-day, my-side-of-the-family reunion. People came from very near and from very far, everyone, including me and my wife Sandy, spending the majority of time in Philadelphia. For one day, though, the gang assembled at Sandy’s and my house in the Philadelphia burbs, where lots of fun was had by all.
I don’t remember why, but in the middle of that day the subject of clothes, maybe of shorts specifically, came up between me and one of my nephews, who was at the reunion with his girlfriend. Bingo! It instantly dawned on me that I possessed clothes I no longer wore and no longer wanted. I raced upstairs and removed both pairs of shorts from their burial site and bestowed them upon two folks much younger and better looking than I. My nephew and his girlfriend wasted no time in putting them on. The photo I snapped of them in their new duds is a favorite of mine. Have shorts ever looked finer on anyone? I think not!
Yeah, Another Blogger 
Funny story.
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Hi there, and thanks.
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Most of us have seem to have some sort dysmorphia, even if it’s only minor. You probably look fine in shorts, Neil, although your nephew and his girlfriend likely enjoyed getting new pairs! Great story. 🙂
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My nephew told me that he’s worn that pair of shorts often over the last half year.
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You’re not alone! I hate seeing guys like us wearing shorts. It ain’t natural, and in my view should be indictable 🙂. Also, I don’t know what it’s like in the US, but here in the UK our postmen (that’s mailmen in the US) think nothing of wearing shorts whatever the weather, even when there’s a foot of snow on the ground and the wind’s howling like a banshee from the high Arctic. Macho craziness!
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I also see mailmen wearing shorts. It’s a thing!
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Call me old-fashioned, but I only wear shorts for exercise or during yard work on warm days. I don’t begrudge others from wearing gym shorts, but I don’t feel comfortable wearing them while running errands or during social events. I prefer blue jeans or khakis as casual wear.
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I guess that jeans are one of the more amazing success stories of the last 150 or so years. They’ve conquered the world!
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Jeans are probably the most useful and versatile garments ever invented. IMO
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Strange. I see men of all ages wearing shorts everyday at the Y and looking good. To each his own.
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Hi Joyce. Yeah, I guess that shorts are appropriate at the gym for males of all ages.
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In short(s), a good male subject here that needed to be covered & yet revealed.
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Excellent puns!
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Who would have thunk it? Neil has a thing for older men in shorts! Four hours each week watching them pass by – “Hey, great legs!” he says or “Good Lord, who left you out looking like that?” I was reared in “short pants” (not shorts in our language) and got my first pair of long pants when I went off to boarding school, aged 12. Though I wear long pants for working in the garden it has been short pants elsewhere all summer around the house and in casual situations but then again I have great legs!
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Maybe I’ll wear shorts the next time I go to my volunteer job!
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You’ll stop the traffic and cheer up the patients! The photograph will make the front page!
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I don’t wear shorts anymore either. It is a mystery why so many were wearing shorts on a fall day, even if it was warm. Those shorts look mighty fine on your nephew and his girlfriend.
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They look a lot better in those shorts than I would.
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Glad to see that your old shorts went for a good cause. Have you ever considered wearing a kilt? Now, that would be a fashion statement and something I would be more prone to notice than men in shorts.
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A kilt! — why didn’t I think of that??!!
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Seconding Mariezhuikov on you adopting the kilt.
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We shall see!
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I’ve noticed this too, Neil, and have a similar thing about shorts – but then I never possessed the legs for them, which I always felt looked like a pair of broken matchsticks poking out of a bag. I drove into town this morning – a cold and windy day here, as our autumn starts to settle in – and old geezers are wearing sweaters, coats and hats, coupled with shorts and knobbly knees. Indeed, as you say: what the f&*k is going on? Best to leave shorts to the young uns. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. If you haven’t, put it away.
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And I thought the shorts-on-older-guys thing was only here in the States!
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Definitely a thing. We must all have been watching the same TV shows.
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I love that your shorts can live on Neil, although I would have really liked seeing you in the tropical floral version, maybe attached to a surfboard 😉
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Surf’s up!
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There comes a time when long pants are no longer optional. With age, one’s skin grows so fragile that the slightest poke draws blood. People look at you funny when they see blood running into your socks…oh, yeah, and socks with shorts will probably inspire a whole ‘nother tirade.
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You know, I never would have expected that I’d write a story about shorts. But the situation at my volunteer job a couple of weeks ago set something off in my brain.
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Neil, you never come up short! (For whatever reason, my husband will not wear shorts outside of the house.)
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Afternoon, Debra. Stan is not alone in that.
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I share your sensibilities about shorts. I don’t think it’s insecurity so much as respect for others.🍻
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Hi. I never thought of that. It’s a very good point.
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“I feel slightly threatened by and jealous of mature men who appear in public in shorts.” This could have been about my husband… and I thought he was a freak 😀
Your nephew and his girlfriend look great in their hand-me-downs!
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I gave those shorts to people who appreciate them!
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Wear whatever makes you feel good and confident and happy. If ‘shorts’ are not it, then something else — skirt, kilt, pants, tights, nada!
If isolation over the last 3 years has taught me anything, it’s that clothing is low on the list of priorities. You create your own fashion statement, and what you wear is less important than how you wear it.
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You’re right on the money with this: “Wear whatever makes you feel good and confident and happy.”
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Handed-down clothing is a tradition in many families. For me, it’s handed-up.
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Thumbs-up to that!
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I’ve never given one thought to men in shorts: positive or negative. I suppose it’s partly a matter of geography. With our warmer weather, everyone from the postal workers to the UPS drivers to the togged-out ones heading to the golf course or bars wear shorts. Thinking about it, the only bit of male apparel that drives me crazy is white belts. If I see a guy with a white belt — with or without matching shoes — I pick up the gavel, put on the robe, and start judging. The flaw’s in me, no doubt, rather than in the fellow decked out that way, but still…
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Maybe white belts are a southern thing. I’ve lived in the northeast for all of my life. There was a time, I think, when I would see white belts now and then. Bui, I haven’t seen any in years.
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That is odd, about the plethora of shorts, but I’m with you. I stopped wearing them too about mid-40’s when they became age-inappropriate. That’s amazing your nephew and girlfriend donned your old shorts. They’re fun folk I bet!
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They’re terrific people. And they look good in those shorts!
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Who wears shorts shorts? Not Neil!
Do you remember this song? It’s what I thought when I read your title. I looked it up and apparently the original was a 1957 hit song. The version I remember though (cause ’57 was slightly before my time) was in a commercial for Nair hair removal. I guess that’s an option for Hairy Legs geezers. Maybe you should keep a bottle at your volunteer desk 🙂
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A brilliant idea! I’ll be doing a public service. (But maybe I’ll get slugged too.)
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Your shorts look great on them! And yeah, I do think there comes an age where “short” shorts don’t look so great anymore, but in hotter climates, longer shorts are practical. As a woman, I solve the problem by wearing capris. Maybe it’s time the fashion world invented a male version of capris!
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The world is waiting for your clothing idea to become reality. Get to work on it, Ann!
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Great story! Kudos to you for handing down your shorts to your nephew and his girlfriend.
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Hi there. It’s crazy how long those shorts had been sitting in my closet.
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I want to see you in shorts!!! Smiling….. Wear what you want. I made a similar ‘arrangement’ with myself, I switched from shorts to skorts.
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If I ever start wearing shorts again, I’ll write about it. And I’ll include a photo of myself in all my shorts-clad glory.
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Very interesting observation, Neil! Your nephew and his girlfriend look perfect in your shorts. Who cares what we wear after hitting our sixties and beyond? Unless we’re trying to attract a mate 🙂 I only wear shorts when gardening in warm weather.
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I own a few heavily-patterned Hawaiian type shirts. A few years ago I put them aside because I thought they looked too wild. But this summer I started wearing them again. And I have to say that I like the way I look in them!
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Way to go, Neil!
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I can relate to this, Neil, but not about shorts. I often admire women in lovely feminine & flowy summer dresses, and wish I could be comfortable in them too. But whenever I put one on, I feel like a granny in a potato sack! I look forward to the day in the not-too-distant future when I’ll wear those breezy dresses and not give a hoot what anyone thinks, including myself!
As for men, though, I don’t mind anyone in shorts but I’d like to outlaw shirtless dudes, no matter their age or fitness level. It just bugs me because women can’t enjoy the same freedom on a hot day. The system is rigged, I tell ya.
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Thanks for adding your thoughts and observations, Kim. I like them. As for the system: It’s rigged in a whole lot of ways. Unfortunately. It would be a MUCH better world if that wasn’t true.
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Seems shorts are everywhere. Not sure this was the place for them. I only wear shorts when I walk. Interesting observations.
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Yeah, years ago I’m pretty sure that guys wouldn’t have gone to medical appointments in shorts.
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Haha, Neil, I agree completely. As we get older, it shows respect for others not to flaunt our, um, “insecurities”, aka the truly unattractive stuff (hello, varicose veins, splotchy skin etc.) outside of the gym or backyard. There’s enough ugliness in the world without adding to it, IMHO.
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In some ways we maybe become better as we get old. But I can’t think of too many examples!
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On the inside, to compensate for the outside!
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There are some places where I would never wear shorts and one of them is a hospital or medical center. My grandmother was head nurse at a hospital and she would have skinned me alive. She’s been gone awhile but not her voice in my ear!
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In my shorts-wearing days, I doubt if I wore shorts at medical appointments.
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With climate change making shorts a necessity in the summer, I’ve worn them more. Getting older has actually meant I don’t give a toss what anyone else thinks. 20 years ago, it would’ve been a different story. Glad your shorts have found a good home though. Particularly like the multi-coloured pair. 🤨😊
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Hi. Yeah, those shorts are pretty dynamic. I hope that my nephew’s girlfriend has continued to wear them.
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I remember it well!
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Interesting topic! I don’t at all mind older men in shorts. My brother (who’s in his mid-60s) wears shorts virtually everywhere, and although I think he looks just fine in them, my disapproval comes from the places in which he wears them — e.g., indoor restaurants. And I don’t mean fast food; I mean decent eating establishments. That simply drives me batty. It seems disrespectful to me. I still wear long-ish shorts (i.e., knee-length) in very informal situations like visiting a friend or going to a ballgame or to an OUTDOOR eatery like a barbecue place. But never to a doctor’s appointment. And I fear I may be relegated to wearing capris very soon.
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I wonder what doctors and other medical people think when patients show up in shorts. I guess some of them are okay with it, and others aren’t pleased.
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I think the answer lies in the style of short and the state of the legs 😁
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You’re onto something!
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an entertaining read on a topic that gets rarely mentioned in literary form of any kind, including the limerick :)you’ve inspired me to try my own poem on this topic; thanks Neil 🙂
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You’ll come up with a good one. Of that I have no doubt.
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They look good in your shorts! John has a temperature limit, but will override that when it’s raining. His theory is that wet legs are easier to deal with than wet trousers/pants. I object to being seen with him when he wears a long raincoat which covers them and shows only his bare legs. I should add that this is only when going out for a walk, not for visiting anywhere!
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John’s theory is sound!
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They wear them well!
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Jan, they could be fashion models!
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If I didn’t know better I would’ve guessed your shorts were a pair of swim trunks and a pair of summer pajama bottoms. Man, shorts come in all shapes, sizes, and styles!
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I have a fairly good memory of buying the pair that has bright colors. It called to me at that time.
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I went to a wedding this past weekend, which involved donning long pants for the first time since maybe May.
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That’s pretty amazing.
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Shorts year round for CB except when I hit the sack.
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CB, you’ve got style!
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Wow, I didn’t know that men would think about age appropriate clothes too. Like you mentioned, I have seen people in shorts that shouldn’t be in shorts. But then again, you mentioned this too — WHY not? Who decides what is appropriate and what isn’t. Walk in downtown Chicago, you’ll see a LOT of interesting outfits. Good post.
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To each his or her own!
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Ha! Now you have to buy two new pair of shorts for your newfound sense of security and style 😉
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I’ll never find shorts as cool as the multi-color pair in the photo.
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Haha I never associated shorts with age appropriateness… But glad your nephew was gifted with your shorts and is getting good use out of it!
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Howdy. For the last 30 or so years, wearing shorts in public has been a hangup of mine. I need to get over it.
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Wow, right, those Hawaiian shorts need to be out in the world, delivering the word that it’s OK to step away from our monotone hum-drum-ness, it’s a good thing to splash some bright colors around!
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Morning, Robert. As people get older, I think they tend to dress more conservatively. Not sure why. Speaking for myself, I definitely should add some bright colors to my wardrobe.
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It’s amazing to me how well your shorts fit that adorable young couple. Slightly mystical, in my view. But if you want to wear shorts for comfort if nothing else, I say go for them! This is the time of life when you do whatever the hell you like, the “public” be damned!
One thing I expected in this post: That old classic—“Who Wears Short Shorts?”
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Yeah, there’s a good chance I will be buying a pair of shorts, and wearing them, in the foreseeable future.
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Hooray! I think you need two pairs that are similar to those you gifted: one utilitarian; the other expressing your inner whatever…
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Oh this is great. I’m smiling at your ability to be true to yourself while not wasting perfectly good shorts. The *kids* look great in them, btw.
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Hey there, Ally. Those shorts now belong to good-looking individuals. My nephew and his girlfriend could be fashion models!
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There’s always a market for someone else’s duds. You found two great recipients! – Marty
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The shorts suit them very well, for sure.
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It is absolutely chucking it down outside today, but I can bet when I go to the shop I’ll encounter some man of uncertain age wearing shorts. Like you I’ve kept my pins covered for some time now – they’re so white the glare from them may pose a risk to passing traffic…
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This is one of the best lines ever: “they’re so white the glare from them may pose a risk to passing traffic…”
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True! ish
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I’m in shorts as often as I can be, even with 80-year-old legs! But I do admit, your shorts look better on your nephew and his fiancee than mine do on me!
My next-most-often-used pantwear is jeans!
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Hi there. Shorts are far more popular than I had realized.
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A perfect fit and perfect look indeed!
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Hi Diane. I’m glad those shorts now belong to people who wear them confidently!
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I hope to God that your age-inappropriate view of shorts on men turns out to never catch on, because I love wearing shorts and I don’t want envision hitting and age where I feel like I can’t wear them. I used to feel the same way about t-shirts, but I did evetually hit an age where I thought I had to start re-thinking them in many situations.
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I don’t know how that came out “anonymous.” That was my comment!
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Morning, Jeff. WordPress has made some changes behind the scenes. I think that maybe you weren’t signed into WordPress when you posted that comment. So, it was displayed as being anonymous. Anyway, I’ve been rethinking my shorts opinions. Probably I’ll start wearing shorts again a bit, in the foreseeable future.
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Ha! Love the “short” story 🙂 I knew a man who wore different pairs of shorts year-round in Ohio–he just loved them–he wore them in the winter, too–when there was snow on the ground!
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Somehow he was impervious to the cold. Pretty amazing.
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