Holy crap, or more to the point, holy shit, I’m getting old. Old, as in old. I mean, how is this possible? I used to think that the rules didn’t apply to me. I don’t like this game!
Not until my most recent birthday, though, did I ever feel the least bit depressed about the advancing years. But when I spun the dial six months ago and it landed on the big 7-0, I gulped. Then I gulped again. Then I said to myself, “Neil, you’ve been around a looong time. In your head you might feel no different than you did when you were 45. But times have changed. The wrinkles on your face are multiplying faster than amoebae. Not to mention that your ass is starting to look as grainy as a minute steak. And the hairs on your head? Cowboy, there are fewer of those than there are fingers on your hands.”
“Man, the days when the occasional girl would give you the eye are gone, gone, gone,” I continued. “At this point, if a girl ever looks you over it’s gonna be because she has a case of myopia so severe she would mistake a McDonald’s sign for a rainbow. Neil, your glory days, as sadly placid as they were, are so far in the rear view mirror they in effect predate the Old Testament. You’re in the home stretch, fella, even if that stretch lasts another 25 years.”
Seconds after that cheery monologue ended I was on the verge of emitting a multitude of tears. Fortunately, I remembered that crying isn’t manly, so I merely wept very gingerly and very quietly. When the drippage came to its conclusion I shrunk off to a corner and stayed there until, my bladder near-exploding, I had to answer nature’s call. I haven’t returned to that corner since then, though I’ve been tempted to do so.
Fast cut to the present day. Gentle readers, I’m here to tell you that I’ve seen the light. Moonlight, specifically, because on the evening of March 31 my phone rang. My childhood pal Mike was on the line. (We grew up in a town outside of New York City, and now reside 20 miles apart in suburban Philadelphia. Yeah, we’re stalking one another).
Mike, an astronomy buff of sorts, was calling to inform me that a Blue Moon was making its appearance, that it was the second Blue Moon of the year (the first having been in January), and that I should go out and look at it because a Blue Moon in each of two months within the same calendar year wouldn’t happen again until 2037. That’s a lot of info, especially for someone whose brain is as old as mine. I barely knew what he was talking about, but I did what Mike suggested.
The Moon was a beautiful sight. Of course, it wasn’t blue at all, Blue Moon being a phenomenon that refers not to hue. Instead it denotes the second full moon that occurs within a given month (a somewhat rare event, though not freakishly so). “Hey, if you’ve seen one full moon, you’ve seen ’em all,” I hear you saying? Uh-uh, not if you’re someone like me who 90% of the time forgets to look up when he’s out at night.
From my front lawn on March 31 I gazed hard and fairly long at the rock in the sky. It was not far above the horizon and it was huge and bright. I asked it to smile and say cheese before I took its picture, to no avail. “I don’t smile,” it said to me. “That’s not the way I roll.” I couldn’t argue with that, of course, and proceeded to document the moment. My phone’s camera doesn’t capture nighttime images too sharply, but I’m shoving that moon photo into this article nonetheless. I kind of like it despite its graininess. It reminds me of my aforementioned ass.
What does admiring the Moon have to do with feeling less than chipper about entering the stratosphere, age-wise? Well, a lot, actually. Yeah, I’ve traveled plenty farther down life’s highway than I wish was the case, but there probably are — what? — three billion members of humanity who feel the same way. All that any of us can do is keep on keepin’ on, with our heads held high and our hearts and five senses open to greet the good people and good stuff around us. No point getting too down about the nature of the cosmic set-up. We come and we go, just like everything else, even stars so large they make our Sun appear puny. I don’t particularly like that set-up, but what can you say? It is what it is, as the truest of truisms goes.
I’m not the sort who ever will attain a relentlessly positive attitude about life. Never have been. But I get a charge out of more than a few things on a pretty regular basis. Not long after the day of my 70th I stuck the Unhappy Birthday card that I’d delivered to myself into my back pocket. I’ve been doing what I can to keep it there, out of sight and mind. As I’m typing this essay right now, picking up from where I left off the night before, I’m enjoying a cup of coffee and looking out a window at a gloriously foggy morning. I’m going to step outside for a few minutes to admire the fog. And I’ll take its picture. Onward we go.
(Don’t be shy about adding your comments or about sharing this story on social media or via email. Gracias.)
(If you click on the photos, larger images will open in separate windows.)
Yeah, Another Blogger 
I’m gonna nominate this as your best post so far of 2018.
This was equal parts crack-up (Aussie expression meaning ‘funny’), sage-like wisdom and astronomical insight.
Best line for me amongst many?
“I’m not the sort who ever will attain a relentlessly positive attitude about life. Never have been.”
An admission like that is armed to the teeth with rocket-fulled power in my book.
Officer on deck!
Well done Neil.
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Glen, I thank you very much. I really appreciate what you said.
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I like your moon picture. It’s better than any of the ones I took until I realized it was pointless without a special lens or something. Every now and then I remember something from when I was a kid, and then I realize just how many decades have gone by since then, and how things have changed. It’s shocking. But like you say, the only thing to do is carry on, finding something good in every day. Like a nice foggy day when you don’t have to go anywhere.
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Hi Audrey.
You know, I really liked looking at the fog the other day. Fog isn’t something that I ordinarily pay any attention to.
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I’m a few years behind you but know just how you feel. I spun the dial to 60 last year and began to feel the creeping onset of that’s 70’s show. Yikes! You seem set to enjoy the ride — it should be good for a few laughs!
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Hopefully!
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Neil, your posts give US a charge on a regular basis. But I’m kinda glad you didn’t show us a picture of you shooting the moon! 🙂
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Cindy, I’d never do that! Or would I?
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Ha ha ha. I am not far behind you. But what can you do about it. Smile and enjoy. It sure beats the alternative. Happy belated birthday
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Yeah, the alternative sucks!
Thanks for stopping by, Lyn. Take care —
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I agree with Glen – great post. 🙂
But yes, holy shit. The age thing. I do get what you mean. I don’t feel much older than 45 either but the clock says otherwise. I guess as long as we feel all right and don’t find any unexpected shit in our pants, we’re doing okay. 😉
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Lynette, I’m with you on that.
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Neil, long may your ass acquire extra texture! You’re an inspiration to us ‘youngsters.’
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Thanks, Andrew. I appreciate that.
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Seniors are a-takin’ over the blogosphere! Watch out whippersnappers, we’re a-comin’ for ya. Well, next blue moon, anyway. If we can find our phone. Then work out how to zoom. Then get it onto the damned computer…
(Congrats)
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Hi. You’re right — getting the photos from my iPhone onto the computer and from the computer into my stories is a frigging pain! For some people I guess it’s a snap. But I find it tedious!
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An easy trick to get a picture from phone to computer, send it to yourself in an email and save.
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Age is just a number!
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That’s the best way to look at things.
Thanks for dropping by, Sheree.
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Easy to say but my body knows.
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Happy birthday! Yes, at 51, I hear ya- still feel like 30 on the inside- youth is SO wasted on the young… But look at you, blogging away, that’s awesome, and inspiring, thanks. Hope you had a great party : ) G
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Hi there. Glad to hear from you. Thanks for the good things you said.
Didn’t have a party for my 70th, but maybe I’ll have one for good old 71!
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Dear Neil – the joy of blogging is that no one has any idea of how old you are unless you tell us!
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Hi, Emma. I think I’ve mentioned my age in a number of my stories. Gives me something to write about!
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I think it’s a sign of age when you say you still feel as young as you did when you were “45”, instead of “25”. That switch point is approaching with me, although perhaps I’ll move through harking back to 30, 35 and 40 first.
I enjoyed your grainy picture of the moon, but I’m relieved you didn’t post a picture of your grainy ass for comparison! 🙂
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Uh-oh, you’re the second person to mention my grainy ass. I might have to photograph it.
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Don’t worry about your age Neil…..you look much better than most guys your age….more hair and nice build. You have a great wife and enjoy many outings together. Keep enjoying life!
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Joyce, you just made my day. Thanks!
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Hi Neil, Google a tune called Don’t be ashamed of your age by Jerry Lee Lewis and George Jones.
Happy 70 1/2 birthday. Jerry
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Gracias, Jerry.
See ya —
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Onward, ho! I’m sure I don’t have to remind you what the alternative is. 😉 Also, for me, it’s a bit of a relief getting to the point where I really don’t have to care about my looks because nobody takes note of a sixty-year-old woman.. Very freeing, similar to when I was seven or eight and never worried about my hair or my weight or anything else regarding my looks.
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Hi Laurie. Yes, there are some advantages to getting up there in age. But I’d rather be young!
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I know. Even to be forty again. But we have had our turn.
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Fabulous post and so relevant to this here gal too; This year will mark 61 years around the sun. My heart feels 25 but my body feels 80. Still, in my humble opinion (and hoping not to offend) this aging thing sucks more for the “fairer” sex. And, It’s not so much about vanity (OK…I lie…..I hate the stubborn middle tire that I never had until menopause and I’ve lost the battle with age spots)…. But what aches more is feeling invisible and irrelevant. Fortunately, like you, I can appreciate the beauty of moments each day, great or small, that keep a lightness in my soul. And, if Vivaldi is in the background, I’m in heaven. Cheers to that and to your 70th birthday. I hope it included cake and a fine wine. 🙂
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Many thanks for stopping by, Cristina. I like your phrase about keeping a lightness in your soul. That’s the way to go!
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Your story was especially timely since today is my birthday (double nickels!) I will try and keep your words of wisdom in mind.
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Marie, I wish you the happiest of birthdays!
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Happy birthday! I can totally empathize, given I’m having a milestone b-day in less than a month (big woeful sigh). It’s not that I mind getting older, but could do less with the accompanying “issues”. Still feel 40, but the mirror tells me otherwise. LOL Ah well. It’s all good. Take pride in all you’ve witnessed and accomplished, my friend, and please keep sharing those with us through your entertaining/inspiring/witty posts.
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Hello there, Tyler. Thanks for the compliment. Appreciated.
Have a great birthday. Onward!
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Tina Turner claims it’s “great”, aging. I think Cher said “It sucks.” But I think receiving AARP notices starting at 50 is a little bit premature. Give me a few more frigging years, guys, before you’re pricing my coffin!!!! Regardless, happy belated b-day to you and happy blue moons.
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Stacey, I’ve always thought the same that you do in re AARP. Age 50 seems way too early for people to be joining that organization. Age 60 minimum would be more like it, if you ask me.
See ya’ —
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You’re only three years behind now, I’ll try to slow down so you can catch up 🙂
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Barry, there’s no stopping the hands of time!
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Well, I’m not far behind you and its no picnic. Never thought I’d get to the crazy old lady stage but then…
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Hi JT.
There’s nothing wrong with being a little crazy. We all are!
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The moon and I have these little conversations wherein the moon reminds me just how small I am and how big and ancient the moon is compared to me. These talks tend to put things into perspective for me when I am lucid as the moon which is only sometime.
I think that when one reaches 70 that person automatically becomes cute. You too!! Those are the rules. -Nancy 😀
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Nancy, I like what you said!
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Happy Birthday, Dear Sir! Remember always, you age like the finest of wines.
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Thanks a lot, Cindy. It’s really good of you to say that.
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I love being the age I am (60). I’m so much more comfortable in my skin than when I was younger, but the downside is obviously less time ahead. However, my mum is 91 and says “I know i’ve got to die sometime, but I can’t bring myself to worry about it” so I hope I can emulate her!
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Hello there, Anabel.
Your mother definitely has the right attitude.
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And as my mother used to say, “It beats the alternative.” Me, I’m planning on 104. Have too much work yet to do. LOL.
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Janet, you have the right attitude.
See you —
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So much “Neilness” in this one. “Aformentioned ass”. Real good!
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Mucho gracias, CB.
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I’ve had my own moments with this – beginning about 69 1/2 the reality that it will take grit to stay positive. Onward!
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Yeah, it’s a challenge not to get too down about it.
Keep on running!
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Great blog. Most of us older people can relate to it all too well. Hope you enjoy the next ten years just as I have. At 82, life is almost as good now as it was at 70, almost…
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Hi, and thanks a lot for stopping by.
You’ve given me something to look forward to (sort of)!
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Happy belated birthday, Neil. I like your attitude, please keep it up. I also love your image of sticking the Unhappy Birthday card into your back pocket where you cannot see it.
To quote Garrison Keillor: Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.”
Best wishes,
Tanja
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I like GK’s quote. It’s good advice.
See you, Tanja. Enjoy the Colorado weekend.
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Thank you, Neil. And you your Philadelphia one.
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Ah Neil, we all want to live long lives – getting old is the price we pay.
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Onward!
Good to hear from you, Robyn. Enjoy the weekend.
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This story reminds me of the frequent exchange between my paternal grandparents. Grandma Johnson would frequently sigh, “I hate being so old.” Without fail, grandpa would reply, “It sure beats the alternative.”
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H was right!
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I’m a little bit disappointed that two of the comments I was going to make have already been made by two of your correspondents above. Anyway, age is just a number but heck, that’s a pretty big number! Excellent post though, all the best, Steve
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Hello across the ocean, Steve.
Yeah, it seems impossible to me that I’m as old as I am.
Time waits for no one!
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Fantastic blog entry, Neil! I find myself surprised when I look in the mirror and see some older lady’s face looking back. I then maturely stick my tongue out at her. I think George Carlin had it right: We should be born old, gradually get younger, and then go out with an orgasm.
Debra
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Morning, Debra.
Carlin is missed. I remember one of the performances he did for HBO. I was laughing my head off..
See you —
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Getting old sucks. My husband is 70 and I’m not that far behind him. On the other hand… I like me more than I did when I was younger. I like /love him more and more each day. In an ideal world I would have the mind I have today with the body I had when I was in my thirties. LOL
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Lynne, overall you’re in a good place!
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A belated happy birthday Neil – I suspected it had made an appearance already but I think you kept it low key at the time. The great thing about getting older is that “time” is a resource you can end up having much more of and if you use it wisely, which it seems you do, you can end up having lots of adventures.
I think you know how much I’ve been enjoying finding out about the full moons that appear in our skies these last few months, but glad to see you are now taking an interest too – Such a simple pleasure but kinda makes us appreciate our little planet and it’s satellite that little bit more.
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It’s a big sky up there! And fun to look at, in daylight and in darkness.
Bye for now, Alyson.
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I see you’ve already got a zillion comments here, Neil, so you know you struck gold. When it comes to demographics, it’s hard to beat aging as something most people “get.” My first inkling happened at 50, but I consoled myself with the idea that if I ate enough brussel sprouts and kept going to the gym, I probably had another 50 left in me (though even I had to admit, not the most energetic 50). But 60, well, there aren’t a lot of role models for the age 120.
You’re right, it is what it is (my souvenir from Barbados is a tee shirt with those exact words). When
I start to get a bit weepy about the end being closer than the beginning, I remember Dylan Thomas and tell myself to buck up, there’s living to do. Thomas, as you may know, was so afraid of dying that he drank himself to death at the tender age of 39.
Well, you and I have both done better than that. I agree with all the folks who said this is one of your best posts. I guess matters of life and death will do that for you.
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Funny you should mention Brussel sprouts. I used to hate them. But I think that people have learned to prepare them in better ways than they used to. So, these days I tend to like them.
But will they extend one’s life? — I doubt it!
See you, Amy —
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I loved reading this post. Not because you’re OLD, because you’re not, but funny because here I am about to turn 35 and I’m having similar freak outs! Haha don’t hate me… mine are more about that I’m not where I think I should be in life yet and am somehow a failure for not being married, having any kids, or a golden career yet. But I’m learning that everyone’s journey is different. And there are not a lot of really funny 70 year olds out there writing great blogs. So take solace in the fact that you’re most likely the coolest 70 year old, like ever.
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Sly Stallone. Priscilla Presley, Dolly Parton, Susan Sarandon and Arnie Schwzenegger have all joined the 70 club in the last two years with Stevie Nicks, Olivia Newton-John, Prince Charles and Grace Jones set to follow in 2018 but yeah, in the cool stakes, Neil’s definitely up there!
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Hey, you’re making me blush!
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Neil, I think you might have stumbled onto a brilliant idea for Unhappy Birthday cards. Wishing you and your grainy ass a wonderful trip around the sun. 🙂
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Hey there, Becky. Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for wishing me a good trip around the sun.
P.S. — my ass thanks you too.
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Reblogged this on M.C. Tuggle, Writer and commented:
If you like hard truths expressed with charm and insight, you’ll want to check out Neil’s latest.
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Many thanks, Mike. It’s real good of you to do this.
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Loved your post! Aging is not for the faint of heart. There was a time when I walked into a room and heads turned, now I’m like Casper the ghost. That’s one of the biggest surprises to growing old, becoming invisible. On good days, I feel 45 in my mind. That is until I pass a mirror and see a reflection of my mother. Scares the hell out of me. Oh well, as much as I would love it, I can’t turn back the hands of time. Sigh. Thanks for a great post.
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Hello there, Jean. Thanks for stopping by. Appreciated.
Your second sentence says it all: “Aging is not for the faint of heart.”
See ya’ —-
Neil S.
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Oh Neil, how I feel your pain! My BIG 7-0 arrives in mid August of this year (should I last that long). I sometimes dream that I’m back in Little League or high school in my glory days on the diamond. And then I awake and realize, hey, that was a ways back! Now my wrinkles have wrinkles, and the last time an attractive lady eyeballed me I’m pretty sure I read “pity” in her big blues. Woe is me. Great post! 🙂
–Michael
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Michael, you’re 10 months younger than me. I’m jealous!
Take care —
Neil S.
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Your sense of humour far outweighs your age. Your post brightens the night (10.51 pm in Norway), just hope my laughs didn’t wake up the neighbours. The moon image is beautiful and atmospheric. Thank you Neil. (Will check out your blog regularly since I don’t receive email notifications.)
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Hi Isabelle. Thanks a lot for keeping up with my stories. I appreciate it.
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I’ll be sixty in a few weeks, and am having the same reaction that you had to turning 70. It just seems way too old to be true. And yet it is…. But you are right, nothing last forever, not even me. And all we can do is make the most of the time we have left!
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Time marches on! Oy vey!
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Relentlessly….
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This post from Neil, a definite rallying point for so many, is steaming towards the landmark ‘100 Comments’ mark and deservedly so.
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Don’t forget your upcoming appearance at Harvard. That has to make you feel young!
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I nearly forgot!
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I’m sure someones has probably already said this but it’s a privilege to live as long as you have. Many never get the chance to write about being 70. And your writing persona has always seemed pretty youthful to me.
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It’s depressing to me when I look at the obits and see so many people saying goodbye in their 60s, 50s and younger.
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We all get the time we get. Most of us have lost people in their 20’s or even childhood. I guess it’s about trying to make the most of the time you get.
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Happy birthday and congratulations on making it to 70 with your wits intact, Neil!
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Thanks a lot PJ.
And thanks for reading my stories!
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Guess I’m one of those crazy optimists Neil: You’re just a kid. The wonder of still being here is a thrill for me. Life IS an adventure and I don’t believe for a moment that you mind exploring. Keep on trudging young man. Muriel
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Muriel, you’re one of my role models!
See ya’ —
Neil
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We always seem to stop on our birthdays and reflect.. but I don’t think you’re old.. and it’s about how we feel more than the age anyway. That moon pic is splendid, by the way. Happy birthday xx
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Hi there, Christy.
You’re right, birthdays are often a time for reflection. Especially when the number is a real big one!
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Moon pics are hard on a phone for everyone Neil.
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One of these days they’ll improve the technology, no doubt.
It’s just a matter of time.
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