If Edgar And Loretta Go, Then I’ll Go Too

Yeah, Another Blogger

I shuddered a bit when my cell phone rang last Wednesday and I saw who was calling, because I wasn’t in the mood to talk with Edgar Reewright. But when your editor is trying to reach you, you answer.

“Neil, Edgar here,” he said bluntly, as was characteristic of him. “I just started editing the story you’re planning to publish early next week. Here’s my advice: Don‘t! How many times do I have to tell you that you’re overdoing it with the walking-around-while-looking-at-things articles? The ones about nicely-decorated vehicles — the Art On Wheels series — are okay, but this latest creation of yours absolutely eats it. Nobody will want to read about your wanderings through Philadelphia in search of one-way traffic signs that are pointing in the wrong direction. Especially since you didn’t find any. Listen to me . . .  James Patterson wouldn’t be able to write decently about this subject. Ditto for Joyce Carol Oates. And they are a hundred times more talented than you! You need to trash this loser. To reiterate: Don’t publish it!”

I was stunned. Almost speechless. At last, after gulping at least ten times, I managed to talk.

“Oh my, my, my, I see what you mean, Edgar,” I said, my voice dripping with dejection. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Instead of backwards one-way signs, I guess I should have been looking for something with more appeal, such as squirrels line-dancing while balancing acorns on their noses. What am I going to do? I have nothing else to write about right now. For the last two or three years I’ve published a story every two weeks, but I won’t meet the next scheduled publication date. My readers will not be pleased by my dereliction of duty.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Edgar asked. “For crying out loud, not one soul will notice or care. Look at it as a mini-vacation. Besides, I’m certain that inspiration, if that term even applies to you, will strike again pretty soon.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, Edgar. All of a sudden I’m feeling a little better. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

A long pause took me by surprise.

“Edgar, are you there?”

The pause continued.

Finally, Edgar spoke. Softly. “I’m here, Neil. I have news that I’ve been trying to figure out how to break to you. I’m sorry to say this, but I might not be your editor for much longer.”

“What? It can’t be! Say it isn’t so!”

“Now, this isn’t definite,” Edgar replied. “I’ll let you know for certain soon. But here’s the thing: I’m not getting any younger. I’m 85, after all, though I don’t look a day over 80. Anyway, my wife Loretta and I want to shake up our lives. That’s why we wrote to Elon Musk in April, asking about his SpaceX senior-citizens lunar program. ‘Hell yeah, old farts have just as much right to visit the Moon as anyone else,’ Elon wrote back. ‘SpaceX’s first lunar landing for oldtimers is scheduled for 2026. Start getting in very serious shape, folks. In a few years you’ll be boogieing like there’s no tomorrow in one or two of the Moon’s craters.’ Elon wants us, and we have to give him our decision by the end of the month, Neil.”

“What can I say?” Edgar continued. “Loretta and I probably will begin intensive workout sessions within the next couple of weeks. If we do, I won’t have enough time and energy to edit your stories.”

“Edgar, please don’t leave me,” I managed to say between sniffles. “Ours has been a wonderful partnership. Yeah, Another Blogger would be a total wreck were it not for your candor, superb judgment and eagle eye. Edgar, I need you.”

I wasn’t the only one sniffling. “I know, Neil, I know,” Edgar said with more human emotion than I thought he was capable of. “Hey, wait a minute! I have a great idea. You’re older than dirt, like me, aren’t you?”

“I’m 75, Edgar.”

“Yup, you’re way closer to the end than to the beginning. And there’s no doubt you could use some real excitement before the Grim Reaper arrives. So, if Loretta and I sign up with SpaceX, would you want to join us? I’m positive that Elon would be delighted to have you on board. Maybe Sandy would be interested too.”

“Hang on a second, Edgar,” I said. Then I shouted to my wife.

“Sandy, I might be going to the Moon in 2026 with Edgar Reewright and his wife. Want to be part of the group?”

“Neil, to say you’re out of your frigging mind is an understatement. The Moon?  Count me out!”

“But how about me? Can I go?”

“Sure. Why not? At least it will give you something interesting to write about for a change. I mean, that story you haven’t published yet — the one about trying to find one-way signs pointing in the wrong direction — is a real stinker. Am I right or am I right?”

To quote Rodney Dangerfield: “I tell you, I don’t get no respect.”

144 thoughts on “If Edgar And Loretta Go, Then I’ll Go Too”

  1. Lynette d'Arty-Cross's avatar Lynette d'Arty-Cross June 13, 2023 / 1:02 am

    Senior citizens’ looney program? 😉Sounds good to me. I am about to retire, so seems totally appropriate to consider tagging along. And I especially respect Elon’s space program with his detonating rockets and exploding populations. 😉

    A very enjoyable post, Neil. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  4. Paddy Tobin's avatar Paddy Tobin June 13, 2023 / 4:05 am

    From what I hear and have read, the moon is not all it’s cracked up to be. Imagine, there’s not even one artistically decorated truck there as of yet; no interesting advertising signs in the shops – blast it, no shops even; no pleasant and colourful gardens and, a deal-breaker if ever there was one – Netflix doesn’t beam to the moon! Stay where you are and smell the coffee!

    Liked by 3 people

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  5. Paddy Tobin's avatar Paddy Tobin June 13, 2023 / 4:24 am

    Neil, With a deep sense of foreboding and a sense of possibly betraying a good friend, I hate to report that Edgar has been in touch with me regarding a possible future professional arrangement – “now that I am free”, as he put it. Let me assure you that I rebuffed him in the strongest terms – “you can f..k off to the moon, you treacherous ba..ard”, I told him. He never deserved you!

    Liked by 2 people

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  6. joylennick's avatar joylennick June 13, 2023 / 4:48 am

    I’m with Paddy…Who needs editors with no taste?! They’re a dime a dozen Those feet are made for walkin’ and I really enjoy your posts, so there. (You can always drive when your legs tire, AND we enjoy your photographs!) Onwards and upwards. xx

    Liked by 2 people

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  7. Yvonne Beumkes's avatar Yvonne Beumkes June 13, 2023 / 5:18 am

    However much I look forward to reading about your adventures on the moon, a post about about squirrels line-dancing while balancing acorns on their noses would be fascinating. Thanks for a most enjoyable post, but I would think twice about space travel.

    Liked by 3 people

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  9. shoreacres's avatar shoreacres June 13, 2023 / 6:55 am

    It won’t be long before Edgar realizes your flights of fancy are far more satisfying than Elon’s moon flights. He’ll be back: a sadder but wiser editor for thee.

    Liked by 3 people

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  10. gabychops's avatar gabychops June 13, 2023 / 7:03 am

    How many times, Neil, I have to tell you you can write no matter where in the universe you are! Just open the telephone inquiry book, and you would find the inspiration there, even among the people’s numbers there will be the making of a novel!
    The only question is this, if you are 75, why are you not writing a book?!

    Joanna
    PS. This post, Neil, is brilliant beyond words!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger June 13, 2023 / 3:44 pm

      Thanks for the thumbs-up, Joanna. I appreciate it. As for writing a book: It’s not in my game plan.

      Like

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      • gabychops's avatar gabychops June 13, 2023 / 3:51 pm

        Shame, Neil, because you are brilliant, and if you did, I would be the very first in the queue to buy it!

        Joanna

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  12. lookingforthehigherself's avatar lookingforthehigherself June 13, 2023 / 8:34 am

    I beg to differ about the walking around in Philadelphia posts. It’s greatly entertaining and also part of what I find appealing about reading blog posts around the world- to have some proximity with everyday lives of neighbourhoods and regions
    I would not usually have access too. Please keep them coming and if Edgar needs to move on, that’s fine!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  13. Laurie Graves's avatar Laurie Graves June 13, 2023 / 8:49 am

    Perhaps it might be best to ignore the editor’s advice and write about what you love—in this case, those one-way signs. And save the moon for gazing and admiring. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. Helen Devries's avatar Helen Devries June 13, 2023 / 9:33 am

    If it’s anything to do with Musk, then Edgar’s routine will involve a lot of juggling.
    Looking forward to the one way signs pointing the wrong way….someone in the city’s traffic office must have visited France for inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

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  17. Sam Gridley's avatar Sam Gridley June 13, 2023 / 10:48 am

    The main question here is: How the heck did Edgar earn enough as an editor to afford a Space X trip?

    Liked by 1 person

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  18. Jacqui Murray's avatar Jacqui Murray June 13, 2023 / 10:58 am

    Two things: Edgar is wrong–I love reading about your wanderings through Philadelphia, and 2) I want to go to the Moon with Musk, too!

    Liked by 2 people

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  19. talebender's avatar talebender June 13, 2023 / 11:27 am

    Don’t go, Shane! Don’t go!
    Oops…I mean, Neil! Don’t go, Neil!
    We’d miss your quirkiness and entertaining posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  21. Paula B's avatar Paula B June 13, 2023 / 12:02 pm

    I don’t know what scares me more — editors or space travel. So an editor in space must be the scariest thing yet! Thank you for this hilarious post, Neil!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  22. Kim Smith's avatar Kim Smith June 13, 2023 / 12:42 pm

    Ah, thanks for this, Neil. I giggled so much I forgot about my hand pain for a few minutes, and that’s priceless!

    Liked by 1 person

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  23. Denise Denton Thiery's avatar Denise Denton Thiery June 13, 2023 / 12:46 pm

    This is hilarious! I’m sure Edgar is fictional, but if he isn’t, I’ve got friends in low places, if you get my drift. Your readers love reading about your meanderings, but if I’m honest, I’d pay real money to see the line-dancing squirrels.

    Liked by 1 person

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  25. Rosaliene Bacchus's avatar Rosaliene Bacchus June 13, 2023 / 1:46 pm

    Neil, you cracked me up with Reewright’s news about joining Elon Musk’s SpaceX senior-citizens lunar program 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  26. Michael Graeme's avatar Michael Graeme June 13, 2023 / 1:57 pm

    It all sounds a bit fishy to me, Neil, but if you’re up for it, I’m secretly looking forward to those posts from the moon. Failing that, signposts pointing the wrong way will be just as entertaining in your more than capable hands. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger June 13, 2023 / 4:05 pm

      Well, the story about the wrong one-way signs is sitting in my draft folder. One of these days — maybe — I’ll publish it. MAYBE.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  27. Sandy's avatar Sandy June 13, 2023 / 2:04 pm

    I wonder how many painted trucks are on the moon? Might be a good article Neil!
    I enjoyed your post, Sandy

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger June 13, 2023 / 4:07 pm

      Hi. You know, NASA is planning to have a lunar-landing mission in the foreseeable future. I forget when. Maybe in 6 to 10 years from now.

      Like

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      • Sandy's avatar Sandy June 13, 2023 / 9:43 pm

        I was kidding about the trucks but thinking about it … I heard that there’s a lot of stuff and detritus left over from lunar landings, stallelite launches, rockets etc. I hope that 10 years from now NASA et al will be thinking about how to clean up the mess that’s floating around rather than adding to it.

        Liked by 1 person

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  29. JT Twissel's avatar JT Twissel June 13, 2023 / 4:16 pm

    Having at one time managed a group of editors I can tell you that rocket ship is never getting off the ground.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  30. tanjabrittonwriter's avatar tanjabrittonwriter June 13, 2023 / 5:27 pm

    Before you get to the moon, you might want to follow up on the idea about squirrels line-dancing while balancing acorns on their noses. I would love to read about them. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

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  31. Ann Coleman's avatar Ann Coleman June 13, 2023 / 5:39 pm

    Your articles are plenty interesting, line-dancing squirrels not withstanding. But if you go to the moon, I want to read about it! And don’t forget to take lots of pics.

    Liked by 2 people

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  32. Jan Milusich's avatar Jan Milusich June 13, 2023 / 8:57 pm

    Great post! And if you ever find a one-way sign going the wrong way definitely let us know.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  35. Ally Bean's avatar Ally Bean June 14, 2023 / 9:42 am

    I don’t know that I have anything to add that hasn’t already been said brilliantly by other commenters. You do you, Neil. After all that’s what writing is all about, regardless of what any naysayer says.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger June 14, 2023 / 11:15 am

      Hi. Something I like about the writing process is that it forces me to gather and analyze my thoughts. Through that, I often learn what I really think about things.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  36. denisebushphoto's avatar denisebushphoto June 14, 2023 / 12:27 pm

    Well … when are you going? Fun read and I agree with Edgar when it comes to not fretting if you don’t stick to a schedule for posting your stories. I often read bloggers apologizing for not posting but always think, there’s plenty of other stuff to see and read in the meantime. No need for apologies IMHO!

    Liked by 1 person

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  37. Dave Ply's avatar Dave Ply June 14, 2023 / 2:28 pm

    Hi Neil. I was just checking out an old post when I saw your name in the comments and had to wonder, “is that guy still around?” Glad to see you’re still at it. Even if you’re struggling for topics. C’mon, signs pointing the wrong way? Just the same, this one was a keeper, and I expect to see more in the future.

    Unless you were just mooning us.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  38. Cristina's avatar Cristina June 14, 2023 / 2:57 pm

    Fun, FUN read. With the way the world seems upside-down I’d be all in to hitch a ride with you to the moon!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  39. Cindy's avatar Cindy June 14, 2023 / 3:09 pm

    I was in the quiet car on the train yesterday when I opened this piece, but I had to laugh out loud when I read your one-way street signs pointing in the wrong direction story idea! There is certainly no dearth of them in Philadelphia—and there are just as many street signs missing altogether. Reject Rewright’s reasoning! I’m sure you could craft a fascinating article about them. As you’ve so often shown us, our fair city is an endless source of quirky stories.

    Liked by 1 person

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  40. annieasksyou's avatar annieasksyou June 14, 2023 / 4:59 pm

    I don’t understand Sandy’s reluctance, Neil. Elon Musk has such a good record. Not a whole lot of self-driving Teslas have been involved in fatalities. And he’s done such a wonderful job with Twitter…

    Liked by 1 person

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  41. June’s Journeys's avatar June’s Journeys June 14, 2023 / 10:43 pm

    Neil, looking forward to reading your posts from the moon. It will be a fun program with Elon Musk👍😄

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  42. andrewcferguson's avatar andrewcferguson June 15, 2023 / 4:56 pm

    I want the article about the signs pointing the wrong way! Come on, Neil, you can’t put a tease like that out there and not deliver!

    Liked by 1 person

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  43. Alyson's avatar Alyson June 16, 2023 / 12:15 am

    Ditto what the others have said above. A fun read as ever. I always enjoy your “chats” with Edgar.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  44. Dave's avatar Dave June 16, 2023 / 11:19 am

    Even if Edgar resigns as your editor, never let the friendship, er “relationship” go. Your conversations always bring a chuckle, at least more than one-way signs facing the wrong direction would.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger June 16, 2023 / 1:20 pm

      It’s hard for me to put a finger on my relationship with Edgar. It’s intense, though, for sure.

      Like

      Reply
  45. estricsek's avatar estricsek June 16, 2023 / 3:24 pm

    Hilarious story Neil! I think there may be some one-way signs on the moon for you to evaluate. After a couple of lunar excursion vehicle near misses, I believe NASA sent a Public Works Dept. team, along with some raffia flow engineers, to establish one way lanes around the craters. I think there may be a rotary or two now as well. Great story! I hope your editor changes his mind and sticks around. Best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  48. Christy B's avatar Christy B June 19, 2023 / 8:46 pm

    “Can I go?” LOLLLLL you asked your wife for permission! You crack me up with every story, Neil. Seriously funny. OK I love that I put those words together too “seriously funny” ~ You are awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

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  50. juliefj1's avatar juliefj1 June 19, 2023 / 11:04 pm

    Ahem…I’m over the moon about this post! And I look forward to reading your story in 2026!

    Liked by 1 person

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