I shuddered a bit when my cell phone rang last Wednesday and I saw who was calling, because I wasn’t in the mood to talk with Edgar Reewright. But when your editor is trying to reach you, you answer.
“Neil, Edgar here,” he said bluntly, as was characteristic of him. “I just started editing the story you’re planning to publish early next week. Here’s my advice: Don‘t! How many times do I have to tell you that you’re overdoing it with the walking-around-while-looking-at-things articles? The ones about nicely-decorated vehicles — the Art On Wheels series — are okay, but this latest creation of yours absolutely eats it. Nobody will want to read about your wanderings through Philadelphia in search of one-way traffic signs that are pointing in the wrong direction. Especially since you didn’t find any. Listen to me . . . James Patterson wouldn’t be able to write decently about this subject. Ditto for Joyce Carol Oates. And they are a hundred times more talented than you! You need to trash this loser. To reiterate: Don’t publish it!”
I was stunned. Almost speechless. At last, after gulping at least ten times, I managed to talk.
“Oh my, my, my, I see what you mean, Edgar,” I said, my voice dripping with dejection. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Instead of backwards one-way signs, I guess I should have been looking for something with more appeal, such as squirrels line-dancing while balancing acorns on their noses. What am I going to do? I have nothing else to write about right now. For the last two or three years I’ve published a story every two weeks, but I won’t meet the next scheduled publication date. My readers will not be pleased by my dereliction of duty.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” Edgar asked. “For crying out loud, not one soul will notice or care. Look at it as a mini-vacation. Besides, I’m certain that inspiration, if that term even applies to you, will strike again pretty soon.”
“Thanks for the pep talk, Edgar. All of a sudden I’m feeling a little better. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
A long pause took me by surprise.
“Edgar, are you there?”
The pause continued.
Finally, Edgar spoke. Softly. “I’m here, Neil. I have news that I’ve been trying to figure out how to break to you. I’m sorry to say this, but I might not be your editor for much longer.”
“What? It can’t be! Say it isn’t so!”
“Now, this isn’t definite,” Edgar replied. “I’ll let you know for certain soon. But here’s the thing: I’m not getting any younger. I’m 85, after all, though I don’t look a day over 80. Anyway, my wife Loretta and I want to shake up our lives. That’s why we wrote to Elon Musk in April, asking about his SpaceX senior-citizens lunar program. ‘Hell yeah, old farts have just as much right to visit the Moon as anyone else,’ Elon wrote back. ‘SpaceX’s first lunar landing for oldtimers is scheduled for 2026. Start getting in very serious shape, folks. In a few years you’ll be boogieing like there’s no tomorrow in one or two of the Moon’s craters.’ Elon wants us, and we have to give him our decision by the end of the month, Neil.”
“What can I say?” Edgar continued. “Loretta and I probably will begin intensive workout sessions within the next couple of weeks. If we do, I won’t have enough time and energy to edit your stories.”
“Edgar, please don’t leave me,” I managed to say between sniffles. “Ours has been a wonderful partnership. Yeah, Another Blogger would be a total wreck were it not for your candor, superb judgment and eagle eye. Edgar, I need you.”
I wasn’t the only one sniffling. “I know, Neil, I know,” Edgar said with more human emotion than I thought he was capable of. “Hey, wait a minute! I have a great idea. You’re older than dirt, like me, aren’t you?”
“I’m 75, Edgar.”
“Yup, you’re way closer to the end than to the beginning. And there’s no doubt you could use some real excitement before the Grim Reaper arrives. So, if Loretta and I sign up with SpaceX, would you want to join us? I’m positive that Elon would be delighted to have you on board. Maybe Sandy would be interested too.”
“Hang on a second, Edgar,” I said. Then I shouted to my wife.
“Sandy, I might be going to the Moon in 2026 with Edgar Reewright and his wife. Want to be part of the group?”
“Neil, to say you’re out of your frigging mind is an understatement. The Moon? Count me out!”
“But how about me? Can I go?”
“Sure. Why not? At least it will give you something interesting to write about for a change. I mean, that story you haven’t published yet — the one about trying to find one-way signs pointing in the wrong direction — is a real stinker. Am I right or am I right?”
To quote Rodney Dangerfield: “I tell you, I don’t get no respect.”
Yeah, Another Blogger 
Have you ever heard the expression “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out”? Well, that’s what you need to say to Edgar and wave goodbye to Loretta as well. Clearly he has NO taste. Personally, I like your ramblings and I’m looking forward to the blog about Wrong Way Signs. Do it!
p.s. i loved this post!
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Edgar and I go back a long ways. He’s cranky and insulting, true. But I’ve kind of gotten used to that.
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I hate to point out your masochistic tendency here. 😦
Stand up to Edgar. Give him the boot.
Sigh. And yet I understand – too well perhaps. Sigh……
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First (and not most important) if you lived in Boston, you’d find one-way signs pointing the wrong way every other block. At least 20 blog-posts worth.
But secondly (and still not most important) don’t follow Edgar. With him going to the moon, get a new editor. I suggest your dancing squirrel. Or better yet, no one. We writers reallly DO know best.
And lastly (which is first) you won the contest in my last blog about The Ancient Book. You probably didn’t see what you started, but your first comment got everyone “on a roll,” so to speak. Lots and lots of magical endings. So, it’s only fair that you win. Pick one of my books, paperback or e-book, and I’ll send it to you! Romantic suspense: The Right Wrong Man or Twin Desires. Or my flash (fun) memoir, Flashes of Life. Or one of my illustrated children’s books, Birds of Paradise or Molly Finds Her Purr. E-mail me at pam.wight@colettawight.net.
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Mucho gracias.
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Neil, I’m still giggling. I wanna go to the moon. Money might be an issue, though. Ah well, maybe next time. If you do go, make sure you get one of those pens that work in outer space. Just saying — you never know when inspiration is gonna hit! Mona
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Thanks for the tip!
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Wrong way one way signs?? Now I know why I keep getting lost and honked at. Who knew?? If only I had read this earlier!
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I’m here to help!
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Well, at least Edgar didn’t suggest getting into a submersible and going to look at the Titanic. I don’t think that will be on the list of options next year. With the Space-x flight, at least there’s a chance.
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You’re absolutely right.
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LOL! 🌞
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Glad you liked it. Take care.
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LoL! I hope you’re not saying goodbye in a sly way, Neil. Or maybe you’re letting us know that you’re changing your scope of writing, which I would find hard to bear . For the love of funnin’, I am looking for a sequel to this one. 🚀
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Hi AOC. I’m glad you like this story. And I like the idea of doing a sequel to it. I probably will, one of these days. See ya. Take care —
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I heard Elon wants to set up an RV park up there. 🙂 Great story!
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I think that an RV park is a good idea. The Moon needs one!
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Who knows, with the way things are going. 🙂
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This going to the Moon thing, I don’t know. I mean, recall what just happened to those guys in the little submarine thingie who went to look at the Titanic. Sometimes it pays to just be a normal person without billions of $$$ to do stupid stuff. One-way street signs pointing the wrong way will never get you in trouble–unless you’re driving.
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You’ve given me a lot to think about!
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Ha, I’ve never actually heard someone quote Rodney Dangerfield before. I love it.
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Every once in a while I look at some of his standup routines on YouTube. He was really funny.
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Going to the moon. Goat yoga. At least you didn’t have to make the trip to write about it. 😂
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Good point!
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Cool! Looking forward to get blog posts from the moon! Might take a while to get here, but I can wait. Good luck with your training!
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Much appreciated!
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This reminded me of some of Ray Bradbury’s stories. It’s so funny because it’s just only slightly outside the realm of possibility.
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To the Moon!
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Ah don’t waste your money! The moon looks very over rated. Gray…..cold….nothing there…..and the flight will probably kill you…
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Vinny, you’ve given me much to think about!
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Yes! Go for it!! It’ll be a great story if you write it and many will love reading it on your blog. 😀
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Hi there. I might go if Edgar and Loretta decide to go. But they still haven’t made a decision.
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I loved this! And I hope both things come true: That you write a post about signs pointing the wrong way AND that you’re able to go to the moon.
What would you do if you went to the moon and had no limitations re: equipment, etc.? Would you drive that little car? Play golf?
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Good question. I think I’d take photos of the Earth and other celestial bodies.
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