I’d been vaguely kicking around friends-centric story ideas for a few days when, on Monday of last week, none other than David Schwimmer popped up on my TV screen. He was a guest on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert. Schwimmer, as many people know, was one of the stars of Friends, an immensely popular American sitcom that ran from 1994 to 2004 and whose episodes have been rebroadcast on traditional television channels, and have been available on various streaming services, for years.
Even though I’m almost completely ignorant about Friends, having seen a grand total of maybe six minutes of the show, I took Schwimmer’s appearance to be a forceful cue from the WordPress gods. Who wouldn’t have? I was not about to give those deities, famed for being short on patience, any opportunities to wreak vengeance upon me. Hence, the following day I lowered my bony ass onto the chair beside my computer and began to peck away in earnest. What follows, then, is all about friends.
Man, if there’s anything I’m sure of, it’s this: You can’t have too many friends, good ones especially. We’re social creatures, after all. Just about everyone, anyway. We want to feel loved and appreciated. And we need to laugh and shoot the shit and, when necessary, to be comforted and helped. The more close friends we have, the more regularly and satisfactorily those requirements will be met, and the more at ease and comfortable in the world we will be. Of course, having but one good friend absolutely will suffice. The game of life, though, becomes merrier and richer when multiple individuals who meet the good friend description are within our orbits.
I’m fortunate to be able to say I have a pretty nice number of good friends. I can depend on them and they can depend on me. I’m talking about my wife and some other relatives, and a bunch of pals to whom I’m not related but with whom I share mutual love and similar wavelengths. I have nothing whatsoever to complain about.
Still, I worry a bit about my situation. That’s because it has been many, many a moon since I formed any friendships that have gone beyond the casual stage. Much to my amazement, I made several good friends while in my early 60s. Since then, however, not a one. I’m now well past the halfway point of my 70s, and wouldn’t at all mind having at least a couple more people to hang out with, folks whose vibes and interests mesh with mine. But how the hell might I meet them? By striking up conversations with strangers? By enrolling in adult ed classes whose subjects wow me? I suppose so. I sure can’t think of a lot of other ways. The odds, though, are that my circle of friends will not expand. Seeing that we reside in an ever-expanding universe, however, everyone’s circle of friends automatically would follow suit if it were up to me.
Many songs have been written about friends and friendships. I’d like to conclude this contemplation with two of them. You’ve Got A Friend, composed by Carole King, would be an obvious choice. But I’m going to go with others I prefer to the King opus.
In 1968, a very low point in their career, The Beach Boys released Friends, an album as beautiful and calming as a forest pond. It barely made a dent in the record industry’s sales charts. One of the relative few who bought it back then, I quickly fell under its spell. From it, naturally, I’ve chosen to present the title song, a sweet thing in waltz time written by four members of the band (Brian Wilson; Carl Wilson; Dennis Wilson; Al Jardine).
We’re Going To Be Friends (written by Jack White) is my second pick. The tune appears on White Blood Cells, an album thrust into the world in 2001 by The White Stripes, a now-disbanded duo composed of Jack and his then-wife Meg White. Best known as thrashing rockers, The White Stripes had a gentle side too, as We’re Going To Be Friends demonstrates.
For your listening pleasure, here are those two celebrations of human connectivity:
Yeah, Another Blogger 
It’s interesting, Neil. I know you’re talking about “real” friends here. But I’m reminded of the comment I received from a cherished friend of many years, author of nine books and hundreds of magazine articles, who is now ill with Parkinson’s. A generous reader of my blog, she said about blogging: “At a time when many of our lives are growing smaller, yours is growing larger.” And she’s right.
So look at all the new friends you’ve made in your 70s!
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You’re right!
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I read somewhere that as you get older it’s really hard to make new friends. I find that true.
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I wonder about that too. Still, I think it’s worth trying to make new friends, although how to go about it is a bit puzzling. Have a good weekend, Michele, and many thanks for adding your thoughts on the subject.
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Both of those songs are sweet. I was surprised by the “twangy” sound in the Beach Boys song. It had the usual dreaminess I’m used to…but it’s probably ignorance that I’m not aware of a twang that they also employ. Thanks for sharing.
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I became a Beach Boys fan in 1966 I guess, which was the year of Good Vibrations. They made some lesser-known albums after that (Smiley Smile; Wild Honey; Friends; 20/20; and more) that I really got into. There’s a lot of unexpected, pretty startling music on those albums.
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Hi! Trying to grow my blog. Follow for follow back? Sincerely, Mikayla Scotlynd Littrell (MetsMadness the blog)😄
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I have people in my life that put up with me. Does that count?
The music thing always nudges my brain. The Who’s ‘How Many Friends’ comes to mind. Clapton’s ‘Hello Old Friend’. I like “Friend” songs.
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I just listened to How Many Friends on YouTube. I hadn’t heard that song in ages. It’s a good one. Thanks, CB.
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I think you are on to something here, Neil. Research tells us again and again that the number one factor in increased longevity is social integration. I very much agree! ❤
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Hi. For sure, we need friends and positive social interactions. Without them, the world is a lonely place.
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Agreed, friends are super important, Neil. But I think it’s much harder to make new ones as we get older. I make a lot of new acquaintances, but I can’t remember the last time I made a new friend! I enjoyed the White Stripes song, but not so much The Beach Boys!
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Hi. I kind of doubt if I’ll make any new friends in the future, but I’m going to try and increase the chances, Take care.
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I think if you have diverse interests and are interested in people, then making friends is a lot easier. Often, it’s just about reaching out and staying in touch – 2 things that help strengthen a friendship.
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You nailed it: Reaching out and staying in touch are key.
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Thank you, Neil for your thoughtful writing. You always give me something good to think about. Both of the songs are wonderful. They’re new to me. Take care, Suzanne
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Hi Suzanne. Those two songs definitely can raise a person’s spirits. They are good ones. Take care, and have a fine day.
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“You want to go where people know
People are all the same.
You want to go where
Everybody knows your name.”
Gary Portnoy & Judy Hart Angelo
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Hi, Paz. Cheers!
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It’s so much easier to make close friends when we’re younger, I don’t know that we ever have those same opportunities once we’ve left education. I’ve learnt to accept that friends will come into and out of my life – for example people I’ve been very close to when working together who I now hardly ever see because we don’t have that connection anymore.
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Hi. I made several of my closest friends when I was in my early 60s. I was totally amazed that it happened. It gives me some hope that maybe I’ll make one or more close friends in the future, even though I’m now older than dirt.
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Your “worrying a bit” paragraph … that is one of the most thoughtful and thought provoking things I’ve read in a bit. I’m not someone who needs a lot of friends, but I am someone who needs a few really close friends. And when you find someone with whom you really can be close, well, it’s rare, important, lifelong.
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Hi Jeff. Close friends up our happiness quotients. They are invaluable.
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Neat! I always learn something when I read your blogs. Thanks so much for sharing. Cheers, Muriel
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Hi Muriel, and thanks a lot. Have a good rest of the week. See ya! Neil
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I think about friendships too. I think if we look at friendships from a different perspective as we get older, We don’t have time to build the relationships we built when we were younger, we can’t possibly have the history but, there is still something very special about new friendships, that are built on common ground, shared wisdom, and a life lived. Yes, it does take getting out there and meeting new people at the Adult Ed, or wherever else we may hang out.
V.
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Hi. It’s possible for friendships to develop unexpectedly and easily. But generally I guess it doesn’t happen that way. Thanks a lot for the input. Have a good weekend!
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Friends are important until you get my age and they all die or moved out of state to live with their kids! I think when you are younger friends are amazing and you do everything with them. Once you get my age I spend all my time with family.
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Hi. A strong family life is super important. Thanks for adding your thoughts. I appreciate it. Enjoy the weekend!
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A nice assessment on the hows of friendships. The good, faithful ones are merited on loyalty, mutuality thru endurance. Later life friends, are chanced with a short move into a short future.🙄
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I like the way you express things!
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I became concerned about the recents of Philly. Glad you’re safe Neil. Enjoy your day.😊
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Friendship is a beautiful subject. After 10 years of Colorado I don’t have as many friends close-by but do keep in touch with many NJ friends … 3 close ones for many many years! I think it’s harder to make new friends as we get older. The number one reason for social media is to keep in touch with many people. Nice post … glad you took the cue!
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Last night my wife and I were in Philly. Went to dinner with a couple who are close friends of ours. One of them said something that I think is true: If you live in a city like Philadelphia, you have good opportunities to make friends, because there are a lot of like-minded people you might come in contact with.
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You have blog friends! This post resonated with me. I agree and have made few really close friends at this age, but it might be easier in a small town to connect with people you see around. From time to time, I call or email an old friend to say hello. I hate losing touch.
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Hi. For most people, including me, making friends is kind of challenging. It’s something I need to start working on.
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I think about this topic often and it’s true, especially if you move to a new place when you’re older, as we did. It’s a challenge to meet people – we do some volunteering and try to get involved in things that interest us. And the adage is true- it’s about quality, not quantity. 🙂 And as others have said, there are nice connections made through blogging. Different kind of friendship, but enjoyable!
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Hi. It would be nice if making new friends was easy as pie!
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Agree 100%. Friends–close friends–are absolutely essential. I’m lucky to share my life and home with my best friend, Ed. I also cherish/keep in touch with a friend I met right after graduating from college in 1977. I live in a great neighborhood where 9-10 of us regularly get together as well as chatting to each other in passing. And I always include close neighbor-friends from my previous neighborhood [of 16 years ago] in our annual Winter Solstice Party. The five years I spent trying to track down my best friend from the crazy adolescent years was finally rewarded when I came across her married name in a newspaper piece–sadly, her brother had died and she was listed as a surviving family member. But it was great to be in contact again and catch up on the intervening years. Friends, YES, we all need them, perhaps especially the people who don’t think they need them at all.
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Hi. Your thoughts are spot-on. Anyone without at least one close friend is missing out on a whole lot. Without friends, we’d be very lonely.
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Thank goodness for all the friends who have been by our sides during our lives.
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Good friends make our lives fuller and better. That’s for sure!
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Starting with a large pool of friends is a good idea, Neil. Then as we age, though the number may diminish (of old and new ones), there’s still a few around. They’re worth preserving with some time and attention. This post is a good reminder to me, since I’m such an introvert. A lovely share.
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As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how important friendships are, and how important it is to maintain and cultivate them. I wish I’d paid more attention to this years ago.
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My dad is 94 and has very few friends left. I do my best to keep him engaged, but it’s not quite the same as old friends who share his history.
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Great observations, so glad you brought this up. I can definitely relate. I’m in my late 60’s and sometimes think, “What’s going on? It used to be effortless to have friends.” Now I realize that it’s my closest long-time friends and my church friends–regardless of where they now live–that I still keep in touch with. Thank heavens for technology for helping us keep in touch. I’m also glad for exactly THIS type of friendship, like-minded people who have probably never met face-to-face, sharing ideas on a website, and being a soulful 21st century kind of friend 😀
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Hi there. Yeah, friends and friendships seem to be on the minds of quite a few people. I wish I had thought about this more when I was younger. If I had, maybe I’d have realized just how important it is to try and make and maintain a nice big bunch of friends.
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