I Don’t Want To Publish Any Crap

Yeah, Another Blogger

A few days ago, feeling unsure about myself and about the future of Yeah, Another Blogger, I grabbed my phone and called an individual who, I figured, might be able to help me put things in perspective. Help me find my way, if you will. Not that he’d ever been all too beneficial in those regards before. But, desperate as I was, I gave it a shot.

“What’s up, Neil?” asked my editor Edgar Reewright, picking up after the first ring. “Please don’t tell me there are major problems with the next manuscript you’re going to send me. Hell, what am I talking about? There always are major problems with your manuscripts.”

“Edgar, give me a break. And stop complaining. Yes, there is a major problem. But not with an upcoming story. That’s because there is no upcoming story. Edgar, I’ve just about run out of gas. I can barely think of anything to write about. And when I do come up with an idea, it seems pretty much the same as things I’ve written about dozens of times before. I don’t want to publish any crap, so I might as well take off my spikes and leave the playing field.”

There was silence on the other end. But not for long. “I can’t believe my ears, Neil,” Edgar said. “What is wrong with you? From day one, you’ve been churning out crap like a champ for Yeah, Another Blogger. I mean, crap is your middle name. Okay, you’re in a slump. But you’ll break out of it. All you need to do is look to Joyce Carol Oates for inspiration. She’s 87 years old, the same age as me, by the way, and still writing books like there’s no tomorrow. She’s penned so many books, everybody has lost count, but it’s way, way over 100. Her latest one, a novel, hit the marketplace in June. And it’s 672 pages long!”

“Yeah, Edgar, she’s incredible. And a genius. She never runs out of ideas.”

“That’s what I’m saying, Neil. Story ideas by the untold thousands are bobbing in the air, just waiting to be snatched. Sure, Joyce is at the top of the ladder, writing-talent-wise, while you’re a bottom dweller. But you shouldn’t feel like you’re stuck in cement.  Suck it up, Neil, and get back to work. And maybe, just maybe, your perseverance will garner you an award one day. Everyone wants recognition, am I right?”

“That goes without saying, Edgar. But that’s already happened to me. Don’t you remember? Two years ago I received a Pulitzer Prize in the If You’re Bored Out Of Your Mind, Reading This Person’s Writings Won’t Snap You Out Of It category. That was one of the most memorable occasions of my life.”

“My bad, Neil! How could I have forgotten? See? You’ve already sort of made it, and other awards possibly await you. But only if you stay in the game. Neil, throwing in the towel after all these years would be a big mistake, one you’d eventually regret. What’s more, you need to think about me. And about my wife Loretta. We depend on the enormous salary you pay me. Because of you, we’ve been able to live the highlife. I’ve never asked you this, Neil, but how did you come into so much dough?”

“Well, Edgar, I’m now going to allude to something that only my wife knows about. If you recall an unsolved armored-truck heist 35 years ago in Philadelphia — it was a major story — I believe you’ll be able to put two and two together.”

“That was you? Man, you are something else! Needless to say, my lips are sealed.”

“They better be, you dig? Anyway, I’m glad we’ve talked today. I feel re-energized. I’m ready to start writing. Once I come up with a decent story idea, that is. Thanks for your help, Edgar. I really appreciate it.  Over and out for now!”

203 thoughts on “I Don’t Want To Publish Any Crap”

  1. Unknown's avatar Anonymous September 23, 2025 / 12:13 am

    How inspiring! Sort of…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Unknown's avatar Anonymous September 23, 2025 / 12:17 am

    I’ve been feeling like I have nothing left in the tank, too. I need an inspirational guy like Edgar! But I always enjoy your writing, Neil. It doesn’t always need to be Pulitzer material. It just needs to be a pinch of spice to add to our days.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Unknown's avatar Anonymous September 23, 2025 / 12:26 pm

      This is Monday Morning Rail’s Paula, by the way

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. gabychops's avatar gabychops September 23, 2025 / 12:35 am

    Goodness, Neil, you are a genius! It is only 5am here, and I am already laughing! I was waiting for you to go back to that imaginary editor of yours and the therapist, as they both had me in stitches, written in your talented hand! Times are difficult regarding the daily news, and your input keeps me sane and happy. Please, dear Neil, keep on writing! Thank you!

    Joanna

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Lynette d'Arty-Cross's avatar Lynette d'Arty-Cross September 23, 2025 / 1:10 am

    I would love to hear all the details around that heist, Neil! That’s a series for sure. And as another commenter said, please keep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. johnlmalone's avatar johnlmalone September 23, 2025 / 1:16 am

    Take the advice, Neil, Follow the example of Joyce Carol. You are good when you hit your stride. And that’s plenty often. Stay the course, Neil. Don’t be discouraged. We love what you post, and that armoured truck heist —- 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. swabby429's avatar swabby429 September 23, 2025 / 3:39 am

    It’s great to get the wind back in your sails. The doldrums suck.

    Liked by 1 person

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      • swabby429's avatar swabby429 September 23, 2025 / 3:54 pm

        It’s a habit, like brushing teeth in the morning and drinking too much coffee. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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  11. Paddy Tobin's avatar Paddy Tobin September 23, 2025 / 4:25 am

    Yeah, there’ money in crap!

    Liked by 1 person

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      • Paddy Tobin's avatar Paddy Tobin September 23, 2025 / 4:11 pm

        My mother in law used always say “There’s money in shit”. I suppose meaning there’s money to be earned by anyone willing to do the jobs others don’t want to. One of our sons, when quite young, was over with our neighbours (farmers) at a time they had builders doing renovations on the house and saw the neighbour digging a money box, which he had wrapped in a plastic fertilser bag, out of a manure heap where he had hidden it for safety. He came home, jaw still on the ground, and blurted out, “Nanny is right. There is money in shit!”

        Liked by 1 person

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  12. richardbist's avatar richardbist September 23, 2025 / 7:02 am

    LOL! Nope, you’re still keep up with Joyce Carol Oates, my friend, and you’ll probably outpace her at some point.

    Reading this was a great way to start my morning. Thanks for the laugh, mate!

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. Platypus Man's avatar Platypus Man September 23, 2025 / 7:21 am

    Keep writing, Neil. Loretta will make Edgar’s life a misery if she has to give up Gucci and Versace.

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. The Introverted Bookworm's avatar The Introverted Bookworm September 23, 2025 / 7:34 am

    Edgar sounds like an intriguing guy! Hope the inspiration comes with the writing. I find autumn is a good month to stay indoors and get my thinking cap on, so to speak!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger September 23, 2025 / 3:41 pm

      Hi there. I’m a big fan of autumn. I’ve written a number of autumn-themed essays. Maybe it’s time to do another one.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  16. Denise Denton Thiery's avatar Denise Denton Thiery September 23, 2025 / 7:34 am

    Neil, I tried twice to post a comment, and I don’t think it went through. Don’t be discouraged and don’t stop writing your entertaining pieces. We all hit those dry spots, and you never know how long they will last, but they will pass.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger September 23, 2025 / 3:44 pm

      I used to post an essay every week. Then, the pace slowed down, eventually reaching one essay every two weeks. I have a feeling the pace is going to slow down even further.

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Denise Denton Thiery's avatar Denise Denton Thiery September 23, 2025 / 3:57 pm

        I am also at the every other week stage. Sometimes it helps to read some of my pieces from five or ten years ago and get inspired. When I hit these dry spells, I sometimes rewrite and improve one from past years and repost. For example, the one I posted today was originally written many years ago and I updated it. I also go through notes I scribbled of ideas, and get inspired. If you don’t post anything for longer than a couple of weeks, your regular readers drift away and sometimes don’t come back. It’s better to repost an older piece than not post anything.

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  17. Unknown's avatar Anonymous September 23, 2025 / 7:42 am

    Great story Neil! Glad to see your editor again. Keep writing, don’t give up. I hope all is well. Best wishes.

    Liked by 2 people

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  19. Robert Parker's avatar Robert Parker September 23, 2025 / 8:41 am

    I knew there had a be an exciting heist in your past, although I’d figured a lemonade stand! It’s not crap, maybe it’s Oates-only-once-through-the-horse, as my grandfather used to say.

    Liked by 1 person

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  20. maxnhall's avatar maxnhall September 23, 2025 / 8:42 am

    Love this! And who among us hasn’t said “Crap…I’ve got nothing to write about this week!” ;-). This was a great cover story! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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  21. Unknown's avatar Anonymous September 23, 2025 / 8:44 am

    Thanks for the laugh of the day, Neil!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  22. marthadilo3's avatar marthadilo3 September 23, 2025 / 8:48 am

    oh wow i feel just like that! Except for any success at all…i am just out of ideas!! Honestly, i bore myself! Ah well, good luck, we’ll snap out of it!

    Liked by 1 person

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  23. shoreacres's avatar shoreacres September 23, 2025 / 9:07 am

    My problem’s the opposite of yours. I have dozens of good ideas, some of which even have titles and outlines, but I’ve not been able to summon the focus and energy to get them written. I’ve been blaming the doldrums of summer, with some justification, given our ongoing heat. But the time’s come to kick those doldrums out of the way — thanks for the inspiration! (And give Edgar my appreciation, too!)

    Liked by 1 person

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  24. Jan Milusich's avatar Jan Milusich September 23, 2025 / 9:47 am

    I love your posts about you and your editor!
    You’ve got humor writing, which is hard to write, down, Neil. Thanks for the smiles.

    Liked by 1 person

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  25. Vero's avatar Vero September 23, 2025 / 9:49 am

    Hahahhahaha! This is all so believable!!! You’re good!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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  26. Deb's avatar Deb September 23, 2025 / 9:57 am

    Edgar always seems to come through in the clutch… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  27. Bitchy After 60's avatar Bitchy After 60 September 23, 2025 / 10:08 am

    Isn’t that what we all do… publish crap then worry about publishing crap when in a dry spell.

    Liked by 1 person

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  28. Helen Devries's avatar Helen Devries September 23, 2025 / 10:13 am

    Nothing like encouragement, is there!

    I’ve plenty of ideas, but not the energy to do anything about them at the moment….

    Liked by 1 person

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  30. Sam Gridley's avatar Sam Gridley September 23, 2025 / 10:47 am

    Here’s an idea for you: the Odyssey with vampires! Or has that been done already?

    Liked by 1 person

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  31. Joyce Hamilton's avatar Joyce Hamilton September 23, 2025 / 10:50 am

    l enjoy your crap. Keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  38. Monkey's Tale's avatar Monkey's Tale September 23, 2025 / 1:18 pm

    Glad Mr. Reewrite was able to encourage you to keep writing. The bank heist sounds very interesting…. Maggie

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger September 23, 2025 / 4:07 pm

      Howdy, Maggie. The heist was the most exhilarating event of my life. But I can’t go into details!

      Like

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  39. Diana L Forsberg's avatar Diana L Forsberg September 23, 2025 / 1:21 pm

    This made me smile today, and I thank you for that. BTW, please thank Edgar for me!!!! 😊😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

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  40. Phil Strawn's avatar Phil Strawn September 23, 2025 / 1:32 pm

    Blogging is worse than writing a novel: we ( I ) get sidetracked by politics, world crisis, local bullshit, and my own warped imagination. I’ve been blogging for 13 years, and yes, I have written many a good short story, mostly about my batshit crazy families and my escapades as a child growing up in Texas. Please don’t fret, it will come to you when least expected. Hemingway used to sit in front of his fireplace, peeling oranges, tossing the peels into the flames, telling himself, You will write again, so be confident. Blogging without purpose is akin to speaking without thinking.

    Liked by 1 person

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      • Phil Strawn's avatar Phil Strawn September 23, 2025 / 4:22 pm

        Nor me. Not long ago I deleted many of my older post that were either gibberish or bordering on offensive. I used to write about politics, but have since toned it down to a whimper preferring to focus on life, comedy and Texas.

        Liked by 1 person

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  41. Geoff Stamper's avatar Geoff Stamper September 23, 2025 / 2:00 pm

    I don’t think you need Edgar! Please refer him to me. I do not have Writer’s Block but I do have Writer’s Crap.

    Liked by 1 person

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  43. alhenry's avatar alhenry September 23, 2025 / 3:00 pm

    You fought the blank page and …. you won! To avoid such moments, I suggest my favorite invention of recent years: KeepNotes! That little app on my phone is now home to thousands of ideas and “stuff too important to forget.” And there’s hours of fun just trying to find exactly where in the many, many entries the one KeepNote I need at any moment is!

    Liked by 1 person

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  44. Dave Ply's avatar Dave Ply September 23, 2025 / 3:27 pm

    I know the feeling. It’s been nine or tens months since I’ve posted anything, and I have plenty of potential content. Sometimes it’s just motivation, which seems a little hard to come by in the current climate.

    You, at least, came up with something. And it definitely wasn’t crap.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger September 23, 2025 / 4:45 pm

      I’d mentioned to my wife, brother and sister-in-law that I was out of gas, writing-wise. Luckily, it eventually dawned on me that I could write about that via Edgar Reewright. What my next story will be, and when it will appear, I don’t know, though.

      Liked by 1 person

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  46. kegarland's avatar kegarland September 23, 2025 / 4:19 pm

    I like how you turned into a writer with a checkered past at the end of this lol

    Also, happy to see Loretta is still alive and kicking 😂

    Liked by 1 person

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  47. Kounselling's avatar Kounselling September 23, 2025 / 4:36 pm

    Lol, you seem like such a nice gentleman, surely there was no heist…
    But your writing is always tidy, nice, well written.
    (Mine almost never is)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  48. JT Twissel's avatar JT Twissel September 23, 2025 / 4:59 pm

    I’m not sure Oates is really a story teller – more of a chronicler of modern angst! You could do it – just based on all those flashy trucks you’ve been able to find.

    Liked by 1 person

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  49. Ann Coleman's avatar Ann Coleman September 23, 2025 / 5:36 pm

    I think feeling like we’re “out of gas” is common among writers. But that’s rarely true. It usually just means that you’re going through a low point but will once again find your will to write, and remember that you are a good writer. And hey, there are worse examples to follow than Joyce Carol Oates!

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  50. selizabryangmailcom's avatar selizabryangmailcom September 23, 2025 / 8:09 pm

    Totally on the same page. I was running out of gas even BEFORE I got laid off. Now, since 2023, I hardly post anything anymore. And now it’s not because of lack of inspiration–now I just don’t have time.

    Some of your best stuff, though, has always been your conversations with your “editor.” They’re always witty, snappy, sarcastic and hilarious. A good interlude between thoughts! 🙂 More Edgar, more Edgar, more Edgar! 🙂

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    • Yeah, Another Blogger's avatar Yeah, Another Blogger September 23, 2025 / 10:49 pm

      Hey there. Yeah, this was Edgar’s first appearance in over a year. Maybe he will make his presence known again sooner rather than later. Hi Stacey. Take care.

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